Every driven guy has his reason to step up and take what he desires, this would be "drive" that has pushed me onto this path. You see, it starts with a girl.
August 2010, I thought I was super pick up master of the universe and I had met a girl from PlentyOfFish. Initially, I wasn't attracted to her looks because she had a fat bloated face but I really enjoyed speaking to her. This was a combination of going through heartache of having my dad kick me out on the streets because he had met a controlling girlfriend and he was falling head over heels for her. I quickly became a burden. I was lucky to stay at my mums house but her alcoholic drinking, heavy chain smoking and bad eating habits were not something I enjoyed being around. I decided that I would get my life handled and so I set out to eat natural whole foods (lots of carbs unfortunately, but better than junk food) and exercise with P90x. I was fucking determined to become lean.
Enter Brittany, the girl I met on PlentyOfFish. We got talking and it was becoming increasingly obvious that we had a connection. She came down to see me and we had sex within the first hour of meeting. She was taller than me, a little overweight and a bloated face. Within the weekend she showed her true colours when she complained to this girl who brought her seeded bread instead of plain bread, she then asked me to be her boyfriend because she liked being around me and we did.
What happened then on was the most intense stressful period of my entire life. I moved in with her after 3 months of being with her and that is when the arguments would start. The sex lessened and she really wasn't as adventurous as I preferred. Like the time when I was fucking her on the couch and she looked at her cat and start stroking it whilst having an intense orgasm. "OH MY FUCKINGGGGGG GODDDDDD" *Cat jumps up the couch* "HELLO TABITHA"
She would constantly boast how I was the best sex she had ever had which was believable because she was go all exorcist when I would lick her out till she came and then fucked her HARD. So that was a huge motivation for me, unfortunately for me she always napped and never had enough energy to do anything. She ate way too much junk food and had terrible IBS. Most days would be me working and her napping. I never thought I'd meet a girl that had no genuine motivation for sex, but this girl was the epitome of it.
Then the violence poured in. Throwing her weight around by punching doors and kicking things. One time I passed her the mobile phone and she went in a rage and launched it at the laptop screen breaking it. The replacement screen was shortly broke when she put her heel through it. She cut herself with a razor when I threatened to break up with her. She punched me in the face and broke two of my front teeth. It was a fucking insaniatic nightmare being with her. Yet, underneath all of this I had a little happiness. I was optimistic, I liked belonging to a girl. I liked having a girlfriend and a home. I enjoyed that.
Enter her family. Her family are the most fucked up individuals on this earth. They take old-fashioned working to the extreme. They hated that I was a freelance writer because my income wasn't predictable and safe like a 9-5 job, yet I always paid rent on time (they owned the house but lived in Scotland.) Her mother and father would insult me and my family, Brittany would just take it and accept it. Her mum dominated the entire family and whatever she said would go. I didn't like that and I would speak my opinion. Her sister is paranoid and schizophrenic, she decided that she hated me because I offered to help her out on an Iphone App she wanted to build. Yet, Brittany never really stuck up for me, she would tell them but they would always have the upper hand.
I had constant stress coming from her family, their opinions of me, they didn't want Brittany and I to have a baby and would constantly about it making things so stressful. In the end her mother convinced her not to have her implant out to have a kid. We had a puppy, that's what happens when you can't have a kid, you get a puppy. This somewhat restricted our lives in a sense but I was still optimistic about the future.
Brittany was becoming more and more cold and distant with me. More arguments from her family who had such a nasty opinion of me, although I would be nice and friendly to them. They pretty much openly said they did not like me and I just said "I respect your opinion." Like a little bitch. With all this stress, Brittany had quit her job, her university and owed a mountain of debt. She quit everything she built up, her pet cats, her career, her friends. I was the one being the sole provider, paying £300 month rent, buying our food, paying all the bills on time. Yet her parents would say to Brittany that I owed her it. I didn't owe her shit.
Then it began, she would have a conversation with her parents and afterwards get cold and distant with me, breaking up with me. At first I couldn't handle it and pleaded for her back, which she did because she said she didn't want to break up with me. It happened a few times till she spent the night at her sisters.
It was the first night we had spent apart in months, she was originally supposed to be going for a couple of hours to have a girly night with her sister and mum, instead she made it a full entire night. I knew by then when she came home in the morning cold and distant with me, as she went to back to bed, not really talking to me, that it was over. I knew it.
When she got up, she was a different person. Her expression and energy was cold. She had spent a ton of time upstairs on her own moving things (I later found out that she was packing all my stuff) She asked me if I wanted any breakfast, I had a horrible feeling in my stomach so I didn't want anything. She was waiting for an argument, then she got a phone call from a guy she hadn't spoke to in months. I got super mad and angry at her because she was flirting on the phone. With that she said, "It's over, here ring your dad and tell him to pick you up." (She lived 4 hours away from my home town.)
I went upstairs, everything was packed, including all of the dog stuff. Apparently she didn't want the dog we both raised either. She coldly went upstairs and spent all her time in her bedroom. I pleaded like a little to have her back but it wasn't happening, she called her sister up to pick her up whilst I was in mid-conversation. She just kept saying, "Love isn't enough." "I need to risk losing you to find myself." Stupid bullshit.
In the end I accepted it, took all of my stuff, grabbed the last of my pride and coldly went with no expression on my face. Once I got all the stuff into the car, I broke down and cried. I couldn't believe that a girl who was so devoted to me and so in love with me, "I want your kids and I want to be with you forever." could just turn around and threw it all away. This happened in March 2011.
Coming back to my hometown I had (and still have) no friends but I have a little connection with my dad again. Brittany messaged me, asking about this shopping bill that we both had to pay, I decided to get it out the way and actually just pay it and then it was done. Two nights after she called my dad crying her eyes out and how she messed up and missed me. I was at my mums. When I found out I called her up straight away asking if she wanted me back, but she was cold and distant again and wasn't sure if she wanted me. So I grilled her about everything and she wouldn't admit it but she practically said her family influenced her decision and being back with me would make them unhappy. She wanted me to go meet her in Rotherham but without our dog. I said No with pride because at the end of the day, it was both our dog and it was like she had no feelings for it anymore.
With that she said "I have to do this on my own, sorry, cya." So I left it naturally. She then texts me a week later saying she has my passport, I tell her to simply mail me it back. She tells me I sound like I have changed, I sound more distant. She was right and I hung up.
After two weeks I saw no passport and I needed it, so I texted her about it and she called me straight up. The dumb didn't even send it off and I had paid that shopping bill. I felt pissed off but I kept my calmness. She then called me up that night telling me how depressed and hurt she was, how her life is messed up etc. Nothing about me. She was feeling sorry for herself and I stupidly was saying that I'm just a phone call away if you need support. I started giving her advice and then I heard a msn message and within that she said "gotta go bye." She did this a few times calling me up depressed and the suddenly leaving. I assumed that she was feeling sorry for herself. She tend called me up asking how many girls I had slept with since we broke up, I didn't want to play her game. The truth was I had kissed a girl and that was it. Yet, I told her 0. And then she started feeling sorry for herself again. I was fed up of this.
I had one supportive friend Tanya who was there for me throughout it all, she had bought my flowers and had them sent to my house the day she heard we had broke up. Everytime I thought about the break up, I thought about how cool Tanya was for doing that. How she listened to all of my bullshit. She was there for me from the start.
I then had to call Brittany to change the vet over, because we had our dog chipped. Yet she was just being a cold and distant again and not really wanting to help. So in the end I just said "Fine, I'll figure it out myself, have a nice life." That was it, I was done with emotional journey bullshit.
I was done playing games. I was done with it all. It was tiring. If a girl wanted me she wouldn't have to play head fuck mind games and be all confused about it. I had to simply face two facts. One, I became a pussy-whipped. Two, I picked the wrong girl to fall in love with.
What gets me about the so-called pick up community is they always say that no matter what it was your fault. Partly it is true but there is such women that are low quality and simply not worth it. This leads to chasing them because we place all the blame on ourselves. The truth is, if a girl treats you so coldly and can throw you away so easily, she wasn't worth it.
A month later, two days before my birthday I get a text from her, "Thanks for wrecking my life." Instantly I broke the sim card and got a new number. I forced myself to do this. It's been extremely tough espicially with a beagle puppy that requires way too much attention, it is going to be tough and I'm at the bottom right now but there's got to be better for me out there. I don't think I want a relationship. I want to be a fucking player. I think relationships are bullshit unless you pick the most amazing girl. Which happens to be rare. If you pick a relationship with a bitch, she's still a under all that.
This is the catalyst. This has chain-reactioned a search within me to improve and get higher quality women. I'm going to be changing everything.