So I went to my first meditation session in a couple a months, and it was wonderful. I felt so in tune with myself, and it felt like my heart chakra was overflowing, good feelings! I could concentrate on nothing rather easily, and Julie, our meditation leader said my aura was very quiet, but she said she saw my on a journey, and she couldn't see the beginning or the end. Which is exactly what I'm on now. I'm on a journey of self improvement to become a better person, and man. I know I've started, and I don't think I'll ever stop. But who knows. It's more about the journey than the destination, and I'm enjoying walking the path. :)
Just got back from the clubs, had a great time! Didn't really approach at the clubs too much, but met a few new girls at my friends house before we went out and things went well with them.
I've realized I set my standards way too high for myself at this stage. I've seen Blueprint decoded, I'm in the process of getting through Flawless Natural right now, and reading a lot on the forums. I think this is making me think I should be at an instructors level or something, pulling everynight and just totally flowing. NO. I just turned 19, I haven't been very social before this, so right now, the fact that I'm hugging every girl I meet, and being more physical is good. I can't beat myself up over anything, beause I really am progressing, even if it's in small steps. Any movement forward is good.
I'm getting a little bit more used to the clubs, this is good seeing this was only my second time out. I didn't do any cold appraoches, yet I eyed a couple girls who I felt I should open with. I realized I need a bit of advice on opening when the vibe is already set towards dancing lets say. Maybe I just need to work on my own personal flow a bit more as well.
Anyways it doesn't matter anyways, I had a good time, I getting comfortable in my new found atmosphere, things will fall into place with all the knowledge I'm gaining through everyone day by day.
I was thinking on the drive home, how easy it is to smile and feel better when I've had a good day. Now as obvious as that sounds, it goes deeper.
What does having a good day mean, as a person, and as a man?
They both lead to the same feeling, and are really one in the same I think. Tim and Tyler talk about "Male Polarity", I think Tim described it best by saying it's when you feel like, well, a man. Whether you just had amazing sex and left the girl starstruck, or just did something that gets the testosterone flowing. I think that also ties into having a good day. How?
Well today, I went snowboarding (Which is something so ingrained into my life it partially defines who I am.), then went to my buddies house and chilled, then went to the pool with a few more friends, then wound up here. So me as a person had a great day. I felt like I had owned the day, acomplished what Ihad wanted to do. So as a man I had a good day, because of those same reasons.
In the most basic form, I came, I saw, I conquered. That's like the fundamentals of being a man. So of course when I had a good day as a person, "Male Polarity" should be shining throuhg as well. Perhaps even vice-versa, but I'm uncertain.
What I've decided to do now is set a goal for each day, big or small, and do it. So every day I can have that feeling of acomplishment. Doesn't matter if it's something as simple as getting up a bit earlier than usual, or maybe having a stellar day like today. Just own it.
This ties into self confidence as well. If you repeatedly accomplish your goals, that's a great boost to your self esteem. So next time you think, "Can I do this?" Your immediate thought should follow up as "Fuck yeah! I set and acomplish my goals daily!"
That's all for now. Tomorrow's goal..... Start my old work out routine again, but with 30lb weights instead of 20lbs. OWN IT!
Forcing myself to smile is an odd thought. Force myself to be happy? Really? Well maybe it's necessary to begin with. Today I decided to try to keep smiling as long as I can, now I can't wipe this stupid grin off my face if I tried!
And it feels great! So I think maybe now I just need to keep a conscious thought to always keep smiling, cause it's not hard to do. :)
That earlier epiphany or whatever it was put me in the strongest state of understanding I've ever been in, to fact that listening to pick up made me literally sick. I was listening to some Flawless Natural on the way to work, and even though it's very, well, natural, there are still techiniques and such. Just hearing it actually made me sick to my stomach. My sense of state and understanding was so strong that just mentioning something so basic to me at the time just felt like poison to me, like it was hurting me to hear it. Almost as if it would steal my belief that what I felt wasn't natural.
It was amazing. Now that I know that that kind of a state exists, it excites me. To be able to rise to a level like tha would be amazing, but for now I have to accept that I don't know how to control that state, and it's going to take a lot of expierience to get there.
Ahhh it all just clicked this morning. Last night, and life in general makes more sense now! I was happy all morning for no damn reason, and it felt good! I realized I should be treating life and going out like I treat snowboarding, I just want to have the most fun.
Last night, even though I wanted to just be natural, my total mindframe was 'pick-up'. Any surprise I got NOWHERE? Then I was like "Augh, I can't get a girl, why can't I just do this?" and in turn, was having not a lot of fun. But that's not what it's about for me.
I should be going out to have fun. Not to test out methods or lines, but to have the most fun. That's what I want to do. I want to have the most fun out of anyone in that club/bar. When I see a cutie I won't go, "Oh shit she's hot! pick up time!" I'll go, "Oh shit she's hot! I wonder if she has any value to add to my night!" Same thing with even other dudes! If a guy is having a ton of fun, I'll jump in! See what his party is all about! Add my fun in there with him! It's so much easier to have fun because it's all on you, but if my mindset is set to be happy and have fun from things I have no control over, I can't control my fun!
So here it is, I'm out for fun, because that's all on me. From now on my new question to myself is, no not even my question. My new statement to myself is, "Let's have more fun!"
Ahhh epiphanies left right and centre! Went out to the clubs for my first time legally with Tycho, and had an interesting experience. Only opened with two girls, but that's totally worth the trade off of this epiphany. An hour or two in I was in the worst state, I didn't even approach girls just out of the courtasy of knowing my mood would bring them down. Then it picked up for the last 20 mins then we left. What did I do? Approach two HB8 or 9's I'd say, and get blown out, and laughed! What I should've done? Continue. What was my epiphany? Give value. For most of the night I was like "Ahhh I know I want to have fun, but this isn't really fun! I don't really like dancing, drinking is okay but not totally what I want to do, so how can I have fun?" Then I realized it. GIVE VALUE. Add value to the club, enjoy the interaction, enjoy being alive! Enjoy being around so many cutie's and dance like an idiot! Do what I want! But add value! Be a guy that is happy in is own reality, that is confident to bring women into his reality because he's having fun! Oh so much was learned today. I plan to go out every night possible for the next month straight to get used to the atmosphere and to learn how to have fun!
No one knows. How freeing does that feel? To me, it's like the weight of the world off my shoulders. After watching a bit of "Flawless Natural" along with just finishing "The Blueprint", it hit me. No one knows. Where am I? Here. Where's here? My house in British Columbia, Canada. Where's that? Earth. Where's Earth? Milky Way Galaxy. Where's that? The Universe. Where's that? No one knows. Where do we go when we die? No one knows. Will this girl blow me out? No one knows. Will she be totally stoked on me? No one knows.
It's not just me that doesn't know, it's everyone. That's what's so freeing! There's infinite possibilities of every situation. Maybe this girl just has a thing for guys like me, or was already eying me up! No one knows. Maybe this girl will tell me to fuck off! No one knows. It's just so wonderful to know that no one knows, and ANYTHING could happen. My best friend could wake up tomorrow and be like "I fucking hate Acro." No one knows! So instead of thinking about anything else, focus on and enjoy the now, because it's the only thing we know, because it's happening! How exciting is that?!
You can actually repel girls by being authentic. I was chatting with a cute blonde and I'm joking around with her and she says, "Beaking 'cute blondes' doesn't get you any points." I stopped and thought for a second. I thought, "Wait, you think I care about the outcome? I amusing myself here!" And that's when I realized some girls get freaked out when they initially meet a guy who is authentic. It just such a shock to their system that someone isn't trying to qualify themselves to them that they get weirded out. I'm certain I can turn things in my favor because, well, I'm me! There's nothing NOT to like about me. Well maybe not nothing, but the flaws are few, but I embrace them fully. So I guess we'll see what happens, but for now, this enlightenment is proving itself to be very amusing!
Wow. It feels wierd, like I just don't know what to think. I feel totally changed. All of today I was pretty much in state, every girl I talked to I could make laugh with 30 seconds of talking to her, and just about whenever after. I felt or understood when I was being a chode, because I was in my head thinking about it.
At some points I was slightly concerned, I was like "Am I being rude? I getting some interesting responses from people and some people aren't too stoked. This feels wierd." Then I just realized I was being authentic, and that it felt wierd to be authentic, how crazy is that? I'm just speaking how I feel, and acting through my own intentions, and it feels wierd. But good. Feels like a weight has been lifted off my chest. Things are starting to make sense, and I'm relaxed and smiling more.
Thank you Owen, if it wasn't for people like yourself and the whole RSD crew, I'm not sure if I ever would have made it here. But here I am, still alive, after everything, I. am. still. here. And it feels great!