Acro21's Blog

 
Just talking with one of my best female friends, and asked her why girls like drama so much even when they hate it. I wasn't really serious, because I thought I knew the answer.

NOPE. GOOD TRY THOUGH BUDDY.

Her response?  Because it keeps life exciting I guess?

DURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

That threw me off so hard when I realized she was right. There is no drama when you and her are having fun, or life is exciting. So when it isn't happening, they create it unconsciously! So best way to stop drama? Ignore it and do what you want, SELF AMUSE.

Wow, I can't believe I didn't understand that. I'm a fuck ass. I thought I knew so much. I need to get off my high horse.  I've been learning from all of these 'sages' so to speak. The RSD crew, lots of Eastern Philosophy and other stuff, now I need to start learning from the fools. Not to say my friend is a fool, she's a beaut. She just see's the world from a social conditioning view I think. There we go again, feeling like I'm superior because "I've beaten social conditioning"!

WOW.
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It's been a while since I wrote anything here, I've been in my journal as of late.  So the othr day I pulled out a notepad and wrote down some important questions.

Who am I?
What do I value?
What do I want out of this life?
How do I expect others to act around me?
What do I not tolerate with myself?
What do I want in the next month/6 months/year?
What do I get enjoyment from doing?
What am I enthusiastic about doing?
Of the things I enjoy, what do I want to become enthusiastic about?
and,
If I knew I could not fail, what would I do?

I spent probably 90 minutes thinking and answering these questions, making sure they were coming from the core, and until I was comfortable I answered them fully. Since doing that I feel much more centered and justified in doing what I do, because I know about myself. I'm enjoying life a lot more, because I am relaxed, I know who I am, I know what I want, and I am comfortable with myself.

Doing the same thing I did could help you as well.
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David Suzuki was speaking at a city near me today, so I went to see him. Damn is this guy grounded.


Actually you know what fuck that.

What I learned from hearing him speak: I want to try to make one person in my lifetime conscious of who they are. Passion & anger are two different things, when something ignites within me, it's not reaction, it's passion.

That's all I can think of right now, there was more, I'll add it on later.


~Acro
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There are two things that dawned upon me today that I would like to work on, and that is being having my thoughts, actions, and words all in congruency with one another, and visualization.

Congruency
When I hold actions or words back regardless of the fact that I feel strongly enough to want to express them, but I don't, is when I regret. I had a conversation with someone today over something rather important in my life. They had the power in this situation, I wanted something changed. They were good at explaining why they couldn't, or how things were rather nicely, until they made one comment. That comment really set me off, however I did not act on it.

Why did it move me so? Because it was an assumption he made on me, plus an insult to my character. This would normally not matter, but in this situation these were the two points that led him to denying me of the change I was asking for.  I wanted to say, "Excuse me? *Add correction and true feelings here*", instead I went, "Oh, okay." Now I'm still thinking about it. I should have left it all out on the table. That way I wouldn't have to write about this. The good thing is that I can try to make that change again, and that congruency is something that needs work in my life.

How am I going to work on this? Slow things down to my pace. Or speed them up. Don't let other people set the tempo, even if it is in their comfort zone. If it feels something slipped by me, seeing it's my tempo, I'll ask them to repeat themselves. Or explain themselves, or whatever. When this happens I can bring everything out, hold nothing back.

Visualization
Today in class, my sensei was talking about how important visualization is for sports, martial arts, anything. There are many benefits when I realized a very important one, it familiarizes your mind with the action. If pick-up is foreign to my mind, I will visualize myself walking up, opening, physically escalating, even closing. This way my mind has done it 1000 times.

This is not to say have routines down and visualized, NO. This visualization is pure actions. Words are not necessary, I can come up with those on my own. I can practice walk ups, claws, and other stuff so it feels natural to me.

That's all for meow. I find myself saying, "As soon as my inner game is on lock, I can approach." Which is a lie. I can approach and close as soon as I set myself to it. Tomorrow night is drunk night so I can practice this easily enough. However, my goal for tomorrow is to have at least one good, quality set. A solid cold approach, escalate as far as it will go, while having fun with it.

~Acro
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Today I felt like  did back in Whistler, which is real good. It came with a couple of concepts.

1. You can do two things when you get an actualization or understanding. First you could let your ego take a hold of it and have it shoot you into a "high" on life. However, this doesn't last long, and soon you find youself at a lower state than you were before. Or you can let your core feel the actualization, and internalize it, engraining it into your being. You won't get that high, instead it will build some self esteem and confidence into you, thus raising your overall internal state. Keeping this in mind kept me like this for most of today, and very talkative.

2. Some people don't feel as comfortable as you upon meeting a complete stranger. Therefore sometimes you have to press the conversation on till you hit them with something that either relaxes them into the conversation, or talk about something they are passionate about. Tyler's "Walking through the world with ease" comes into play here. You should feel comfortable enough leading the conversation and interaction till they feel comfortable enough to start sharing themselves with you. Those awkward pauses only exist because she is a little stifled herself, and doesn't really know what to say. This is why you have to lead it for a certain while, and feel comfortable with doing so. It isn't speaking for the sake of going like oh god we're going to hit an awkward moment, it's speaking and leading so she can feel at ease with it. To unstifle her so to speak.

3. Right now this "Core" feeling is still rather foreign to me. So when I'm in it, I'm worried to lose it. However I know if I'm afraid to lose it, I never really had a hold of it to begin with. I also start having arguments in my head, like am I doing this because I want to, or because I'm showing myself I can do this if I want to? An "ego vs core" kinda. However when I stop thinking and start acting, I know that's acting from my core. It's good to realize and understand concepts of what's different when I'm acting from the core, but I cannot think on it too much or it goes away. I need to do this often enough until acting from the core is a natural feeling, and being in an egoic state feels unnatural.

4. I want to get out and meet more people around the world. Even in my own country. I want to be able to jump on a plane, train, or vehicle and get out of town for a while, and meet up with some people. I'm planning to take a train ride across Canada for 3 weeks with my friend in the summer, and hit up a bunch of cities along the way. During this trip I hpoe to make a good group of friends in every city I go to, so I can always fly out there or go out there whenever I like!

~Acro
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New things. I realize I do things I enjoy a lot more now, and am more firm against things I'd rather not do. However, I do not too often to either impulsive things, or fun things.

Things that I enjoy are more interesting/amusing than fun. There is nothing wrong with this, however I want to be the party, know how to bring the fun, not look for it. So starting now, I'm going to do one impulsively fun thing each day.

This will increase my creativity, along with know how to make any situation into a good time. Now that is value.
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After last night there's a lot of things I want to internalize along with write down so I can remember what I can't internalize now.  I already have a FR up on my Ipad, so that will come later. It feels like FR's are for my outer game, and looking at how to improve that, then blogs are all on inner game. Not bad I suppose seeing I had terrible inner game and shit going on in my life that has to get handled before anything else starts.

Okay so......

Let's start with Jeffy, because that's what's on my mind.  I was listening to his Transformations part, and it struck me on many different levels.  I suppose that's also another good thing with developing depth within yourself, wise words, or even simple words can resonate with you on so many different levels. Jeffy talks about what happens after you get game, something I never really thought about. 

He talks about it not being a college course, do your 4 years and you're out, like I thought it was, or hoped it to be.  It could be a lifelong journey really.  He talks about before he couldn't get a girls phone number out at the club, now there are groups of girls chasing after him and trying to fuck with him at the local bars and clubs.

So the question is, what happens after I get "game"? Is it really just Hasta la vista to all of this?  No, I definitely doubt that.  Also, how do you know when you feel you've gotten to the level of game you want?

I believe it is by setting goals, focusing on them, and figuring out how you are going to achieve them. So what do I want out of this? What are my goals for pick up?

I want to be able to attract and open girls of any caliber. I want to learn the skillset to take these girls from meeting them in day game, or out in the clubs, back to the bedroom. I want to lose approach anxiety and the feeling of uncertainty of being able to open if a desirable girl walks by.

I understand those aren't easy goals, but it's what I want.  So how will I know when I'm there?

When I get no interference from my mind when I see a girl I would like to meet. When I can lead the interaction physically and verbally, escalating things in the appropriate I see fit in the interaction. When I'm comfortable with myself, what actions I take, and my beliefs. When I am 100% congruent with my 'core' feelings, not libing or acting in reaction, but what I know I want.

How will I achieve this? Consistency. I have to make these basic rookie mistakes before I can make the masters mistakes. I have to trust mysef a little bit more. I have to let go of the fear of rejection. I have to push the interaction physcially, leading at a pace my 'core' is happy with.

Okay there's that out of the way. Back to Jeffy.  I never realized it, but Jeffy really knows his shit. Sounds rather obvious, but there's a different feeling to him now. Before I thought he was just a little crazy, but because it's Jeffy it works for him. Looking at it now, there's truth behind everything he says or does.  He's been out so much, gone through the ups, the downs, that he knows where you're coming from, no matter where you are. Maybe that's why he pushes you, or gives you advice in a tone you might find harsh or offencive. It's beause he was there, and he pulled through. He's giving you the encouragement he wishes he had at those times in his life. There's a lot more to Jeffy than I originally thought....

Next.

I think I'm beginning to understand what it takes to get good at all this stuff, pick up, and self help. I've got to write stuff down and review it daily to weekly. I can't internalize everything, I'm learning and experiencing wayyy too much to internalize it all. Therefore I need to write down key points, or even in large detail, and read it over as days go by.  Each night, instead of fucking around on the computer, read what I've written, come to terms with it, and internalize it.

Being out here in Montreal is great, yet there's so much I forget already that I wish I had taken down. It's okay I think though, seeing that I'm understanding to do all of this now.  So long as I'm starting to do this it's all going to work out.

Well that was a mental and verbal vomit, feels good to get it all out. Life is good. I want to say the next number of days are going to be good, but every day is good. I see that now.

~Acro
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I'm off to Montreal for 8 days. I plan to come back even better than I was on the last trip.  Another thing now, I'm unemployeed. The feeling like I'm free to sculpt my own future is back. Hopefully upon returning I won't lose that feeling I had. However, regardless of what happens after the fact, I need to set some goals for the trip.

1. -  Burn my shit to the ground. Every set I open, I close or they walk. Simple as this. Number close, makeout, fuck, anything but walking away. If I'm approaching it's because I want her. A little bit of resistance makes for a tougher shell.

2. -  Get physical with every set. Do it as long as I'm comfortable doing it. Work on "The Claw" as much as I can. hugs, high fives, anything.

3. - Remember this is all fun. Don't get too serious about it. I won't look at the girl as the means to an end. Instead, it's making the duet a fun and exciting time for the both of us. Do it for the love of it!

~Acro
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Next 10 I see, I'm going in harder than I ever have before, ZERO hesitation. There, now it's in writing.
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Something I realized in the shower today.  In our little city, there is no one like Tycho and myself. This sounds very ego gratifying, and it is. If you let your ego get to it. All it is though, is a fact.

I see all these dudes out, scared to approach, trying for rapport if they manage to talk to a girl. The 'Players' out here only have confidence that's about as deep as a kiddie pool. They cause drama to remind their ego that it's important.  The girls are a result of this. They crave this drama, because it makes them feel important. They don't have any guys that accept them for who they are, do their own thing, and have their own fun. The girls in this town have more balls than the guys. I saw a girl getting physical with a guy on the bar balcony, and the moderately well dressed, cocky looking guy could do nothing but leave his smirk on while this girl was all over him. No make out, nothing. Just smiling. Poor girl.

Then there's Tycho and I. We know what we're worth. We escalate before the women do. We won't go out bragging that we got your phone number or fucked you. We won't freak out if you lose attraction or float off to another guy. If I'm not dating you, I don't have any control over what you do. Even then, I still don't, you have self made obligations instead.

This doesn't mean we are men who will take being pushed around.  Keep your word ladies. If you say you're going to meet up with us tonight, then do it. Will we be unimpressed if you flake? If you said you'd show, yes we will be. Will we make a big deal of it? No. Gentlemen always have a busy social schedule, if you don't want to be a part of it, there are others that we can share our time with.

I find the more and more depth you add to your character and yourself, the more of it you can see, or sense amongst other people. This is probably why Bootcamp instructors can identify things about you faster and better than you could about your own self. It's like being at the bottom of a light filled ocean, and looking up. If you're only a few feet deep, and all you can do it look up, you have no idea what true depth looks like. As you gain more and more of it, you start to realize more and more.

From here on out, I understand, at least in this town, what the shield that some girls put up is for. It's because guys who manage to get past it, don't have the depth she thought they had, and turned out to be labeled a or something rediculous for submiting to the guy. So ladies, when I plow through this shield, I won't take anything you say personal, because it's not. And when you wake up beside me in the morning, you won't regret a thing. Why?

Because I'm my own ten.

~Acro.
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