Acceptance's Blog

So I'm powered my day off (today) on 4 Rockstarz, half a red-line, and absolutely no food. My friends woke me up this morning and we went down to Pheonix and rode the salt river for a good 2-3 hours while having a blast. Epic day. Although we were with one girl who was a friend of my buddies, today was more of a day to chill and relax. How exactly does this apply to pickup?

For the first time in a long time, my actions and words are finally being congruent with eachother. I was being a cool, funny, chilled out guy. It's suprising how many quick-witted things I can come up with when I'm half asleep because I don't spend time trying to BE funny, I just AM funny. Well.... atleast I think I am. Later in the day I started to crash hard and started getting up in my head toward the end of the river trip and noticed how fast I changed moods. My negative thought patterns started to progressively put me into a shame spiral. I took a little rest when we got back in the car and started becoming the value giving guy who I like to be again. Writing this shit down helps remind me where I am and where I want to be.

Sometimes when my two friends get together they almost try to pick on me which I've noticed recently. But today I was completely unphased by their attempts. It was almost like pushing passed my friends "bitch shield".... wierd.... At any rate, it was educational. I am definately unreactive with sleep deprivation. But that is probably not healthy.

There were a lot of hot chicks at the river... but for some reason i hesitated to approach. Even floating passed a group of girls and striking up a harmless conversation seemed unordinary in frightening. Maybe I'm reverting back into old behavior. Or maybe it was just a "today" kind of thing. I'll see where I'm at tomorrow. But I know that if I want to be a social "fun" guy I can't play the part... I have to be the part in every aspect of my being. Need to work on that belief.
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