Acceptance's Blog

 
So fuck.... alright. I got off of work late today. There is a rodeo dance thing going on in town and I saw some of the hottest chicks rolling over there. Unfortunately there was only 20 minutes left of it by the time I got off work so I ended up just going to the bars with my buddy. I only opened like two sets. And there was a lot of time between each. I'm not having as much fun going out because I think I am not building momentum and reaching state. I end up talking to people I already know and girls that I know are already into me. The girl I pulled last week was stalking me like hell downtown and I ended up just dragging her around for social proof. But once I gave her my attention I wasn't able to get away. I easily could have pulled her again. But honestly I just wasnt that into her. I walked her to her car and sent her on her way. I'm afraid she will start stalking me and fuck up my downtown scene. I may have to just grab my balls, fucking fly solo, and hit up the bars where the slutty girls are at with there 50 mexican gangsters. I'm afraid of getting my ass kicked. But maybe sacrificing have to be made in order to make progress. I feel approach anxiety a lot. I rely on situations to boost my ego to the point where I can push through it. Definately need to work on this.
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So I overslepped for work... was supposed to be there at 1:30 and actually woke up at 1:28. argh... Super sluggish today because I was still trying to recover from the lack of sleep from the day before. Managed to eventually get in the groove mid day and started to get into being more social. I've been flirting hardcore with this girl from my work. I know she is into me but I wasn't sure how much. I started to get more and more physical with her lately. Her humor is extremely sarcastic and playful which works really well with my humor because it allows both of us to almost get into "wierd" and still be cool with one another. For about an hour I acted like we were boyfriend and girlfriend and whenever she would talk to a customer I would act like he/she was overstepping our relationship and would glare like I was gonna beat there ass. She played along whenever I was talking with customers too.... it worked perfectly because when she ended her shift at 9, she told my roommate that she wanted to have a sleepover in my bed. I was trying to convince my roommate to stay the extra hour of my shift so that I could "take her home" but it didn't work out. So unfortunately... she will have to wait until tomorrow. smile

I feel wierd about work hookups. Not because of what they are. But because they honestly seem like unfair in the pickup world. It isn't a cold approach. It honestly takes no balls. You and her are put in a situation where you have no choice but to be social to one another. If done correctly. It's almost a guaranteed lay. But this might just be me...

Anyways, I ended up going out on a Day 2 with the girl I met at the bar and kiss/# closed on Saturday. She brought along a few friends unfortunately. However I saw a friend who I knew from the program and he joined us and kept the friends occupied. I managed to make everyone "like" me while not completely ignoring my target. So my friend and I ended up getting invited to go to a party which worked out pretty well because I knew a few people who were there, making it less akward. Attempted to be a social guy but only ended up staying at the party for a hour as one of my targets girlfriends had to go home. We got dropped back off at my car downtown and ended up isolating her and talking to her for 3 hours. Really deep rapport to the point where I was able to guess correctly about a lot of her life. She is a hard one to get comfortable with me. Her body language was very closed and reserved even though I could tell she was into me. I had a lot of fun though. Totally fell in love with her a few times... haha. We eventually parted ways at 3 AM. She's leaving to go to Oakland tomorrow and will be gone for a week. Hope she doesn't forget about me because I really dig her. But it will give me time to practice over the weekend without running into her.

Plus one of my old fuck buddies is coming to stay for 3 days for 4th of July. Should be fun...
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So I'm powered my day off (today) on 4 Rockstarz, half a red-line, and absolutely no food. My friends woke me up this morning and we went down to Pheonix and rode the salt river for a good 2-3 hours while having a blast. Epic day. Although we were with one girl who was a friend of my buddies, today was more of a day to chill and relax. How exactly does this apply to pickup?

For the first time in a long time, my actions and words are finally being congruent with eachother. I was being a cool, funny, chilled out guy. It's suprising how many quick-witted things I can come up with when I'm half asleep because I don't spend time trying to BE funny, I just AM funny. Well.... atleast I think I am. Later in the day I started to crash hard and started getting up in my head toward the end of the river trip and noticed how fast I changed moods. My negative thought patterns started to progressively put me into a shame spiral. I took a little rest when we got back in the car and started becoming the value giving guy who I like to be again. Writing this shit down helps remind me where I am and where I want to be.

Sometimes when my two friends get together they almost try to pick on me which I've noticed recently. But today I was completely unphased by their attempts. It was almost like pushing passed my friends "bitch shield".... wierd.... At any rate, it was educational. I am definately unreactive with sleep deprivation. But that is probably not healthy.

There were a lot of hot chicks at the river... but for some reason i hesitated to approach. Even floating passed a group of girls and striking up a harmless conversation seemed unordinary in frightening. Maybe I'm reverting back into old behavior. Or maybe it was just a "today" kind of thing. I'll see where I'm at tomorrow. But I know that if I want to be a social "fun" guy I can't play the part... I have to be the part in every aspect of my being. Need to work on that belief.
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I really hate the fact that Thursday, Friday, Saturday are the only good days to go to the bars downtown. I tried all last week to maybe find atleast one hottie to approach out there.... fucking nothing. Just drunks. Yeah, well tonight was pretty fucking funny because four of us went out. Three guys and a girl. Me and my buddy were doing decent on approaches. Nothing spectacular but I was in a much better state than usual. It was late when we went out so unfortunately our time was dwindling down fast. It seems that rocker/emo chicks dig my style and almost always try to get my eye contact to open them. I almost always know those sets will go decent, maybe even good depending on the energy I bring to the conversation. My buddy and I did pretty well on a two set of girls but I wasn't talkative so I ended up just doing annoying interview questions.

The night ended and I was walking my friend to her car. We passed by a bar that was pouring out people. I saw a 7 who I usually flirt with at my work and automatically struck up a conversation with her. She was drunk as fuck and totally into me. In less than thirty seconds I was making out with her. In 10 minutes we were at her car. In 20 minutes I got the lay. I broke up with my girlfriend last week so I needed the rebound lay and was willing to stoop as low as a 5 to get it. I was really fucking happy that it worked out because I strait up cavemanned her drunk ass home. I kinda felt bad at the time because I wasn't sure if she was blacked out or anything and was gonna be all remourseful and pissed in the morning. The fact that we fucked again in the morning got rid of that fear wink.

She wants to buy me new sheets and "try them out". But I honestly don't even think I'll call her again unless I have one of those lonely nights. I want even better. I've been reading "9 ball" and I really like the idea of having a herem. I know it's possible and I really want to make it happen. The problem is that this is a small town and even in my adventures from the past couple weeks of day game and night game, I am starting to receive social pressure from my friends and aquaintances. I truely am forcing myself into the idea of "I don't care what anybody thinks of me" and there is no turning back now.

I don't want to be a player. I want to be a social guy who gets laid a lot. Who has choice. Who has enough courage to step up and be a fucking man.
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Tonight was poor on my part mainly because I didn't push myself to approach as much as I usually do. I went out with a buddy and ended up getting sucked into his low state mood which gave me some approach anxiety. We worked a couple sets with nothing too spectacular coming out of them. We watched a bad ass band at a bar and eventually I opened a group of rocker chicks who looked like they were with the band. Apparently they were and after some slow conversation, one of the girls invited me to go to another bar with the band and then go to their hotel room. I bailed because of being tired. Looking back on it I have some regret because I totallly left that chick with some hippie fag and the look in her eyes was saying "please fucking save me because I know you are cooler than this guy". I really think that should be all the motivation I should ever need to never let sleep get in the way of a fucking awesome adventure.

adventure time awaits bitches
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Tyler/Jeffy Special Bootcamp Alumni June 10-12 2010

Since I took the bootcamp my life has been more fullfilling each and everyday. Taking that bootcamp was the smartest move I ever made because it pushed me beyond my boundaries into a world that seems less frightening each and everyday. Except for the sunday after bootcamp I have been approaching everyday. I'm not going to say that approaching girls is beyond my fear capacity because I definately feel hesitation sometimes. But knowing that I will be okay in the end afterwards is truely enlightening.

I've been hanging around people that I consider to be natural in this aspect of their lives and taking things from their style and applying it to my own. When I was on bootcamp I was more chill and laid back. But hanging around certain people kind of pushes me to be more outgoing and energetic in my approaches. All of which seems to be taken differently depending on the scenario. Because there are no clubs in the town I am in, I've mainly been doing day game and bar game which isn't bad since it seems to work well with my laid back side.

Though I know it is said many times in the forums and in RSD in general that looks don't matter, I feel the only attraction game I have is my looks a lot of times. The conversation will get boring and stale because it relies on a lot of 50/50 interaction which seems pointless when they aren't fully into me yet. My physical game is getting better and is definately more natural when I feel the girl is into me because I already know that she wants me to touch her, instead of me feeling like I need to have permission. The more I go approach, the more I feel like I will naturally become congruent to who I truely am.

Though looking back on it, I wish I did more approaches tonight. I ended up just socializing with 2 sets. One was a group set of 3 girls and the other was two girls. I took a nap before going out and was suprisingly in a good mood the whole time. The three girl set went well because one was totally into me and it was easy for me to get physical and get hardcore "fuck me" eyes going on. The other two I knew mutually which allowed me to work her pretty well without getting distracted. But I bailed because I honestly wasn't sure if I was willing to fuck her because she was a 6.

The two set worked out perfectly because I opened them early and then went to the three set. One girl from the two set tracked me down while I was walking to another bar and we ended up talking for the rest of the night (2 hours). A really fucking cool girl who I ended up kiss closing and number closing. It was hard to get super physical with her and pull because it seemed like I was getting resistance with everything. But I really think this one won't bail if we go for a Day 2.

Strengths: very social, funny, and playful tonight. Good starting kino. Strong eye contact. Smiled a lot. more dominant than usual. I went out alone which was the first time I had ever done that.
Weaknesses: Long delay's between kino, need to work on commanding more.
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