DukeD's Blog

I started the night amped up to take the world by storm. PUAMangasm and I started the storytelling game to get prepped, but the Canyon club was too sparse to get momentum going. We moved to Pikey's, which was packed out to all hell because of the Lakers win earlier. I opened a few sets, got slapped on the ass on the dancefloor and bought a direct ticket to nowheresville with a girl with a sizable rock on her left hand.

We shifted to Sunset Terrace (my favorite place) and the energy just died. There were 3 good sets there, who were opened and blown out quick because everybody was drunk as shit and I've got this pesky personal rule about not escalating on horribly inebriated girls. Mangasm, Angel and I started working on our storytelling game to pass the time.

I don't know where I got it from, it might be RSD, general community stuff, or I might have just made it up and attributed it to the community, but it goes like this;

I pick a random topic (among the topics tonight were "Granite", "Toasters", and "Mescaline"), you have to tell a true story from your own life about the first thing that comes to your head. Then you get to pick a topic. The first 10 minutes is just storytelling, The next 10 is the same, but with big animated movements to illustrate, and everything thereafter is to do it at virtually the top of your lungs.

Anyway, it's a great state generator, and after a few minutes, everybody's getting really entertaining in an impromptu way. It's hard to filter what's coming out when it has to come out fast. The animation and the volume gets girls to open us, because we look like we're a lot more fun than anything else there.

Unfortunately, nobody showed up, so for the rest of the night we were busy getting all amped up about how Mangasm virtually burned down his house with a toaster, and how alcohol turned a stargazing nerd-convention into one of the best life experiences Angel ever had.

At the end of the night, HBPlayette was all up on PUADamnTheRiver, who had been making a play for her affection for the last week and a half. Since Playette's my ex, my roommate, and my BFF, I get to hear her cyclical ramblings about her boy-troubles for hours on end and I know DamnTheRiver isn't gonna stand a chance for longevity. I rolled my eyes at their escalation one too many times and PUADrake decided to start in on me about how I felt about the whole thing.

Drake tends to be pretty competitive, and is one of those guys who needs to one-up me everytime we get into social conversation. If Amogging was something I still valued highly, I'd take lessons from him, because he's a born natural at it. Unfortunately, it shows his insecurities in a very exaggerated way because I've been in his shoes before... qualifying and trying to impress with my disposition of my own experience. Shit, due to the cyclical nature of this thing, I'll probably be in one of these ego-protecting states again, so I can't hate too much.

It only bothers me when I share something with him that's honest and vulnerable, then he tries to run me over with his over-inflated view of the whole thing and tell me how I think, like he knows me better than I do. It's not getting called out or shown a different perspective that bugs me, it's giving a vulnerable piece of information, then not having my own opinion respected for the sake of appeasing his "I'm better than you" ego bullshit.

He keeps trying to tell me I'm not over Playette, and most of the things I'm doing in the game and in life is acting out my lack of closure. "Trust me, bro... I know you say that, but I've been there and you'll come around eventually". Condescending bullshit. So, in a Deida-esque man circle way, I told him to shut his fucking mouth in love. He immediately stammered into fix-it mode, and then it all opened up.

He started sharing openly, stripping off all the ego-protection crap, and we got to connect as men. We got over that little bit, and built a bit more respect with each other as we got down to brass tacks.

In the midst of trying to articulate my feelings in that conversation, I realized that not only had I gotten over Playette, my love for her had actually turned into a higher level bond that was free of the ownership and possession-ridden concepts that had been a definite part of our romantic relationship. I grew more in interpersonal relationship and intimacy with her than I ever had before, but it was the end of that relationship that marked the beginning of my sprint towards self-actualization.

The comfort of that relationship kept me from challenging myself to achieve my own sense of self-worth, and it was only after I had been in pickup for a few months that I could actually say that I liked myself, for the first time in 29 years. The last year or so has been the greatest period of growth in my own personal self-concept I've ever had, because of the challenging and addicting nature of the game. I'm positive that the next year has much more difficult and eye-opening things to show me at the rate I'm going.

It's important to have strong men around me to show me new distinctions, even if I learn those lessons in my own way, and not in the way they'd like me to in order to appease their sense of superiority. In that way, I'm glad that I didn't drag some club girl home with me tonight, because the new lesson of the evening was just a little bit deeper.

Grind on.
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One of the things I've been thinking about is how ineffective it is to yearn for consistency. I was watching RSD videos on youtube, and I came across a few RSD haters out there. Now I'm not a RSD religious fanatic, I've been an academic community guy since the early 2000s, when it was all Double Your Dating and Speed Seduction.

I watched some of these videos that people posted bagging on Tyler and the RSD crew and it occurred to me that these people had no idea what the context of the clips were. Taken out of context, we can all look stupid. But then I thought about some of the RSD and community concepts that I had thrown out the window since they didn't apply to me anymore.

I remember a 1 and 1/2 year stint I spent on Stephane's material, testing and grinding before I threw it out entirely. The lessons I learned, though, in pursuit of getting results in that methodology, stay with me and influence my own definitions of "right action" to this day. When his life blew up and he seemed to abandon the core of his teachings in his own life, many people backlashed hard, but I appreciated that in that tumultuous time, I got to see that we are all human, and each of our paths are just our paths.

I've heard Tyler and Neil both say that sometimes you have to cross the line before you know where it is, that it's okay to be try-hard and desperate if you have to learn the lesson there. That really connected with me and it's one of the concepts that really broke open a new method of trailblazing for me in pickup and self-actualization.

Tony Robbins says that people fear change the worst. Change is scary because of the unknown factor, and he continues in his material to reframe change as exciting and challenge as an opportunity. Once of his concepts that really stuck with me is that he visualizes life as a steep slope, and at any point, we're either sliding or climbing, there is no stasis. To stop climbing is to slide, and the only way to stop sliding is to climb. This concept alone made me redefine what I believed security to be as well as its importance in my life.

Security is an interesting concept. Something that humanity as a whole seems to seek, but is never quite available. Hellen Keller said;
    "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing. Security does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than exposure."
After studying security for a bit, I realized that the social constructs surrounding it where mostly illogical, albeit a tantalizing drive that keeps most of our progress running. I had to reframe.

All in all, My path is about progress. I took a test by Steve Pavlina awhile back to rate what I held highest in my values. The top three were Contribution, Growth and Progress. At the core of who I am, I value progress the most. Ideally, I'd rather grow than be comfortable. I'd rather take the hard road to make it a small way rather than walk an easy path, fulfilled with what I have. Of course, that's a double-edged sword, Making my life exponentially harder and more pain-ridden, with analysis and soul-searching obscuring the simple experience of life. Light-hearted people ask me why I think so much, why it matters to be so focused on discovering something new all the time.

I guess that's why I respect RSD so much. Listening to Foundations is a very different experience than watching Blueprint. The mindsets and strategies implemented then are so much more full and encompassing now. I feel like the company as a whole is more committed to mastery of everything related to this industry than others. I could be blogging and carrying on this journey at a number of different places on the net, with much greater accessibility and community validation, if that's what I'm looking for. I do it here because I feel like the RSD team will never get old. They'll never settle on some strategy or mentality if they can find a better way to do it. Their teaching philosophy grows along with the material they teach, and they get better with every iteration, as opposed to some of the other people I've trained under, where "The System" seemed to leave and make excuses for the inherent holes in it.

Some people aren't ready to take the next step, myself included at (more often than I'd like to admit), but by small-chunking that journey, each step becomes simultaneously more meaningful and less meaningful at the same time. The constant grind of learning, unlearning, making new distinctions and rebuilding/rebranding old ones is a cyclical climb to mastery. In the club, I'm constantly encountering guys who are better at this stuff than me, but as time passes, my dedication surpasses their results because they choose to stay mired in their comfortable view of the world.

Progress is king. Even when I reach a state of mastery, I don't think I'll ever be done with this stuff, and with my worldview, I'm not sure I'd ever want to be.
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Ah, sometimes it feels great to be alive in my own skin. Tonight was a hilarious night of awesome. I started out with PUAs RawDawg, Brothello, Angel and Mangasm at a coffeeshop just to kick it boys night out. Add BHexMachine into the mix and we had a rowdy bunch. We rolled into the nearby taco tuesday and just played with everything we could find, joking about RawDawg's Stage 5 from last night and I took a little shit from the girl that fell down my stairs.

Off to the Terrace ex post facto, and Brothello disappeared to pick up his new girl from Borderline, came back all rushed to ask a favor: RawDawg... give me the keys to your house... Duke, give me a condom. He acquired the goods and disappeared for two hours.

That part was pretty noneventful, and the club was pretty dead. I did a couple of laps and ran into HBNichtEineSchlampe and her galpals. NES dragged me outside to ask me guy advice, she starts; "You're a player... help me understand this mentality...". Hey, at least I have a reputation now. I explained that she needs to quit dealing with douchebag guys and come over. She responded that I too, am in fact a douchebag. Like I said, at least I have a reputation.

Brothello came back and I started hitting on his new hookup (BTypicalPisces). She lied to me at least 4 times but generally warmly received me. HBPlatinumHate came by and I accused her of not remembering me from the night she was all over the roided out guido at Pikey's. She played choir girl and left because she couldn't deal with the banter.

Mangasm with all of his Galifinakis-style bearded glory got dragged onto the dancefloor, She kept trying to take him home, but he just kept blowing her off and challenging her because he carries the same rule I do about banging drunk chicks on the first night.

I opened a small snarky ass Catholic girl (BLackOfDirection) who was congruence testing me for 20 minutes. I rolled right through her and she last ditch asked me to come home with her to get a reaction before she got nice. She kept asking sexual questions, and I passed all that with an air of non-attachment. She asked me to take her home right as her boyfriend sat down next to her. I made friends with him, and then she said that she needs to introduce me to her snarky ass friends so I can fuck them silly because I was the only guy she met that could handle them. Come to Pikey's tomorrow, then, we'll see what your girls are made of.

I ejected so as not to step on her afc boytoy's toes, and rolled through some birthday girl photoset, but not before I got immortalized on her facebook's 21'st birthday set. Yeah... I'm that guy. I snuggled HBRannicchiarsiSottoLeCoperte a little bit and went back to base.

Turns out Angel had opened HBPlatinumHate on his own and found out that she was a practicing Neo-Nazi girl who hates on all sorts of people... probably including her socio-culturally generated self. That was all sorts of hilarity, but I took my snarky attitude directly into the arms of TypicalPisces, who I told should just cut the bullshit and come over. She agreed she should, but parked her car at Brothello's pad, and had to work in the morning.

End of the night came, and I motorboat-of-gloried TypicalPisces and told her she owed me a night. Post hug, she lunged in ever so slightly, I said "You just tried to kiss me, didn't you?" I kissed her in the middle of her response, and Angel said he wanted one too. God, that girl should never get married. I'm pretty sure she is already, and just cheated on her husband with my whole crew. Typical Pisces.

It was a good night, though... I led with a strong I don't take your shit frame, with less playfulness than I usually do, but managed to keep the dominance in the attractive realm. I think this is a good buildup to tomorrow, where Mangasm and I are going to wreck Pikey's with reckless abandon.

HandHearts and Snuggly Butterflies,
-= Duke =-
2 Comments | 422 Views
Love, as dictionary.com puts it, is "A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person."

I've loved many a woman. I think that's what got me into this whole mess in the first place.
I was raised to believe that love came from god. That without god, the whole world would never experience it, and that its purity came from the source of something holy. I argued that love caused so many people to flounder in inefficiency and could never be something that the universe's creator embodied. I tied it with jealousy, with angst, with punishment, and with sacrifice.

"Greater love has no one than this, that he lay his life down for his friends" - John 15:3
I was taught that love embodies ultimate sacrifice, an emotionally moving concept that deserves its own study. Love is what causes you to deny yourself. Love is what makes you enact personal discipline, love is what will make you give up anything you hold dear just to attain it. Love is the ideal state.

My concept of love grew as I moved through my youth. This theme of self-sacrifice seeped its way into romantic love. If you love me, you'll.... What the matter, you don't love me? I thought you loved me. Why would you do this to me? I love you! As I learned how to deal with women, I learned that love means never standing up. Love means comforting at all costs. Anything less is selfish. I squared that with the understanding that if two people are sacrificing for each other, the balance is achieved and everybody's needs get met.

I got into several relationships, all ending in infidelity, and I couldn't understand why my sacrifice caused these people who said they loved me so much to do such horrible things. I gave everything, even my identity, and was met with hurt and dark, seething, hateful things that I thought no one should ever have to experience.

Love's grip took me into a 7 year monogomous relationship. I learned what it was like to be cherished. I learned what intimacy was. I realized all of the opulent fantasies that I had worked up over all those years of Social Conditioning. Love wins. Connection, the spiritual bond between two people was a direct result of "doing the right thing". I learned that sometimes, when you love someone, you can't give them what they want, or what they say they want... you have to anticipate, and give them what they need. It worked beautifully, and as that relationship came to a close, it validated everything I ever knew, or thought I knew, about love. Love conquers all.

I learned what I had to do. I had to know myself well enough to give love. I had to set my own personal boundaries, forge my own identity, and then give specialized care to the girl I cared for the most, from a position of solidarity, from a position of strength. I just had no idea how to do that. David Deida's books showed me a new side of love. A side of sacrifice that could be used without breaking down my inner core, and it worked for years. It set the sacrifice mindset so far into my psyche, that I can't see it any other way.

Fast-forward to when I started pickup. Love fueled me. I fell in love with 5 girls in the last 425 days, and all but one of them has been destroyed by love. You see, tasting high levels of intimacy is like a drug addiction that can't be satiated by normal means. Talking to most people my age and younger, very few people have ever felt intimacy. They hear the word "connection" and don't think the same things I do. I was shocked. Nobody has a clue. That's why they settle for mediocrity, they don't know what excellence is! I went on a mission, to educate these girls I had fallen in love with on what connection truly is. After all, I had been there before, I should be the expert on this shit.

The first girl (HBMonkeyWrench) I fell for blew me out so hard my head spun. First date turned into hardcore conversations on connection, and that turned into what I thought was her understanding. She didn't. I was ecstatic to find that she was willing to be shown such excellence in our relationship, until she stopped calling. Her momentary interest let me read into our pseudo relationship all sorts of things I pinned into a neat little package like my last relationship. Self-sacrifice, I thought, was the answer. I was more chode to her than I had been when I was a chode... figuring love transcended community pickup bullshit concepts like masculine solidarity and leading. I was way off. She blew me out hard. Everything was awkward. I swear she thought I was stalking her.

I plunged into deep depression until I met HBImage, check the blog archives to see how sprung I was on her. Holy crap, I deceived myself on that one. At that stage, though, I knew that if I pursued her as hard as I had MonkeyWrench, I would suffer the same fate. I'm thickheaded, but not that bad. We had deep conversations about intimacy, about what causes people to sacrifice, and agreed on a surface level. Then she stood me up twice. I knew that I could never pursue, so I let it fade.

Depressed again. Hooked up with a girl I knew could never generate that sort of connection if she tried. She just wasn't equipped. That sexual relationship carried me until I met HBMostLikely, Girl I fell over candidate number 3. I slipped back into the sacrificial nonsense... throwing myself at her mercy so many times I still cringe when I look back at it. Baring my soul to her just to get her to feel the same way. Then she cheated on me, and I forgave her. What bullshit. Sacrifice, my ass. All I wanted was someone to share how I felt, and then to share my heart with them. The guy she hooked up with turned into her boyfriend, and I went ballistic. I went on a revenge path that took more out of my psychological well-being than I'd like to freely admit on most days. I wrecked myself, steeping in bitterness and stepping into my darkside.

I became strength, or at least I thought I did, and met Girl 4, HBStoodMeUpOnFuckingValentinesDay. Oh wait, in the blog archive, I called her HBAbsolution. She was perfect. I threw out all the RSD concepts of what it took to maintain my own identity and threw all of my romantic effort into her. I burned her a mixtape, I took her out on dates, paid for everything, flowers, hand-made cards, planned amazing things just to get her to just say she felt the same way. She tore my heart out of my fucking chest. She stood me up on Valentine's day. She said she was tired. I drove out to her house and left flowers and a handmade card on her car. What the fuck? I saw her again later, and just threw it all out there. I love you so much blah blah blah... Then she broke up with me on facebook after ignoring my calls and text messages for 3 weeks. Guess who almost became an alcoholic for the next two days? PUADuke did, that's who.

Keep in mind, I was living two lives. All this time, I was hitting on girls left and right. I was practicing over and over to become a master pickup artist and there were so many distractions in the midst of and during all of these mental mindfucks that I called loving relationships. I realized that when Tyler said "the field will desensitize you", he really meant it. My rage and bitterness threw me into a rampage of wierd sexual boggles and utter failures over week. I banged girls I wouldn't have even looked at before just because I could. I figured that if I could never find a girl who would reciprocate like HBPlayette did, I would just bang them because that's all they deserved.

One of my older mentors once said that life will continue to put you through the same lesson until you learn that lesson in its entirety.

I leveled out. I stopped being such a chode (for this cycle, anyway) and started to carry some decent game. I gave up trying to find my blueprint woman, since I probably wasn't emotionally ready for her anyway. Obviously, I have some flaw in my personality that makes me go about this whole process the wrong way. All of these epic fails had the same flow in common;

Generate Attraction->Build Comfort->Abandon Pickup concepts->Determine a status->Not hook up->Treat the relationship like it was already that intimate->Get destroyed->Return to the game->Have un-fulfilling tete-a-tetes with girls who could never be my blueprint women. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Love, as Tyler puts it, is a Self-Hypnosis. A fascinating placebo that causes us to wire all of our strongest passions to some of the most extreme behavior. Social conditioning is strong. The socio-cultural and biological needs to find a mate are almost stronger than the survival mechanism. People stay in mediocre, abusive, life-energy sucking relationships just for the comfort that we attach to it.

So there I was, content with waiting out the process until I really found someone who could connect with me. This time, I reasoned, I wouldn't compromise my masculine core. I wouldn't throw out the very things that got them attracted, chasing the intimacy rabbit down the rabbit-hole. I'd build it from scratch, slowly... and as soon as they faltered, I'd blow THEM out. How's that for qualifying?

I went about my life, until last weekend, when one of my BFF's HBPowder called and wanted me to help her move to San Fransisco. HBPlayette made me swear not to bang her, and I lol'd. I made an internal decision not to hook up with Powder, since I knew that she had never been in anything close to an intimate relationship, and wouldn't know which way was up anyway. When I got there, I met her roommate HBSnarkilyGuarded and reunited with a girl I haven't seen in 6 years, HBEntrance. Holy shit, Entrance got hot.

I spent the weekend being girlfriend, totally gaming and playing, and keeping that playful, positive challenging energy that makes a good pickup artist. I role-played my future with all of them, and it was all fun and games and general hilarity. Entrance played back in a way that overshadowed anything I've seen in awhile, she reached out with her entrancing eyes and clutched her fingers in the air and said "You're so far", with a tweak in her voice tone that spoke volumes to me, awakening that same rev-up that I felt in the beginning with love girls 1-4. I shoved that down and drank a bunch of brandy, but flagging that as an interesting stop.

I didn't think anything of it when They threw me and Entrance together in Powder's bed the first night. Entrance had developed a healthy fear of my pickup antics, and was pushing off any kino all day. I told her to hit me if I snored and passed out. She woke me up twice, and the way she gently touched my back to wake me up fired off deep intimate things in core of my body that I haven't even close to felt since my 7 year relationship with HBPlayette. I woke up in the morning and watched her dress, my whole brain turned inside out.

I knew I had to take right action. And the total wrong action would be telegraphing interest over a half-awake touch that didn't even qualify her as able to understand what I felt. I will NOT make the same mistake again. Powder had talked Entrance into signing up for match.com and she was to meet a guy the next night for a first date. I'm not about to fall in love with this chick who A)Was about to Day2 with a guy right in front of me, and B)Lives in fucking San Fransisco. Not gonna happen.

We show up to the day2, and all my competitive AMOG stuff kicked in. All I wanted to do was blow this guy out, sweep Entrance up and tell her what it's like to be in love. Nope. Take right action, Duke. Don't abandon the community skillset. So I played it like a rockstar. Stayed light, playful, and built plenty of trust through the whole night with all 3 girls.

Off to bed again with Entrance, and I had effectively decided not to escalate, to avoid transforming into an early SOI Chode in front of her very eyes. But something retarded happened; We lied there talking about intimacy for 4 hours. She was finishing my sentences, she understood. She had been in a long term relationship, and knew exactly what I was talking about. She was understanding the dynamics of sexual polarity without a geeked-out synopsis of Deida material and just flowing with that glorious sense of connection that transcended anything I'd ever felt. She had been pushing kino off all day, but by about 5am, she decidedly grabbed me and snuggled herself into a little comfortable ball of free feminine energy that totally just filled everything that I've been missing for the past year. I kissed her neck, she kissed mine, and we passed out together in unison.

Talking about it later with PUARawDawg, He said "Do you ever reach a point of purity with a girl where sex doesn't even matter? Where you feel you could just cuddle a girl until you died?" Yeah, it was like that.

We woke up in the morning and I immediately set hard boundaries to myself about NOT telling her I had just completely gotten my world rocked with everything that she is. I didn't cross them too hard, but I think I said too much to Powder and Snarky that is gonna get back to her anyway. I ran downstairs to have a cigarette and hand-hearted her on her way out. She looked back longingly and my brain interpreted that as an epic win.

I could feel it all spinning out of control. After all this crap I had put up with over the last year, I was determined to play it cool, but I couldn't. Even though I didn't say too much, Powder saw the change in my demeanor. She could read it in my face. I flew back to LAX without the opportunity to myself, which I was pretty relieved about. I broke down in the plane.

When I got back, I redefined my blueprint, a year after the first time I'd written one. I called her once, it went meh, I don't think I did anything to project the glorious chode-dom that has settled upon me.

Now that Karma is bringing me back this lesson to learn it again, how do I transcend the self-sacrificial urge to just throw myself on the altar? I have to figure out what to do, or not to do, next.

Any thoughts?
-= Duke =-
0 Comments | 260 Views
 1 year, 2 months. Holy shit. I've been going out 424 days straight. My rules were simple; Take the "30 days of going out" challenge from Tyler, and just keep going. My rule is, I have to spend at least 2 hours at a bar, club, party, or on a Day2 every night for as long as I can. If Tyler can do it for 3 years straight, so can I.
I only missed 2 nights out at a club/bar/party/day2 in the last 424 because I went camping, and guess what?there were 3 girls in that campsite, and I ran game on all of them. nullI got into the community wanting to be an instructor before I met the RSD guys. At the seminar they make you sign this thing that says you can't teach in any major city for 4 years after attending because of Industry secrets. I asked the guy who handed me the pen... "WTF is this? I wanna teach someday!?!?!?!?" The guy (who I later learned was Papa) said "That's fine, just teach with us." That day, I made the decision that has turned my whole life inside out. Become an RSD coach. At that time, I just knew I was going to make it, and fast.

When Tyler said it would take about 2 years to get to a decent level of proficiency at this stuff, I said "Bullshit." I'm a go-getter. I medaled in nationals, my career is amazing, I live on the bleeding edge of progress, and I'm a fucking prodigy. "Give me 8 months, and I'll be an instructor. I understand all this shit. 2 years, psh. I'll put it to the test, and I'll show them." 

Well, they showed me. Statistically speaking, I'm not that bad. In 424 days I've gone from total chode, to getting laid a bunch by 5 different girls. There aren't many guys I've met that have done that, but now I'm only beginning to set myself apart from the chode pack.

I figured out how awesome I am, then I killed my ego, then it came back, then I was try hard for quite a few months, then I played in the bitter and venomous end of the pool, got competitive, amogged a bunch, got depressed, killed the ego, it came back. Fell in "love" 4 times, back to being try-hard. I felt like fell below the chode line into like... worse than chode, then I came back up. Killed the ego, then it came back. The cycle continues.

I've done so much shit, just to learn the lessons. I shaved one of those harry potter mowhawks of glory into my head for 2 weeks. I kept a non-lightning bolt mohawk for months. I grew a beard. I learned to dance. I spent three months singing every week at karaoke, never singing the same song. For 30 days I went the the club in nothing but suits. I've worn outrageous tshirts with slogans like "I eat girls like you for breakfast".
nullI stop drinking, 40 days on, 40 days off (good practice, btw). I stopped carrying a lighter so I'd have to open girls to get a light. I opened with "I like salad" for 2 weeks straight. I started at one end of the club and didn't stop until I opened the whole place. I've walked laps around the club singing "I-I-I-I can make your bed rooooooooockkkkkkk" at the top of my lungs. I made 7 hours of stories that came from my own life. I've played numerous rounds of dickhold chicken, and made assloads of animal noises to get into state. I've used the "Weeping Air Supply Callback Technique". I shaved a hello kitty and a bunch of little hearts into the side of my head. nullAt this point, you better believe I've met every doorman, bouncer, dj, dancer, shot girl, and server chick in the area. People joke that I should get my mail rerouted to the club by my house. The owner introduced me to a group of girls as a stockholder. I've got male groupies and I don't even have a philosophy. I'm on the lists, I throw events like "douchebag appreciation night".
null I can't go anywhere in public in a 15 mile radius without running into somebody who knows me. People tell me that I need to be a promoter. I hit up a makeup artist friend to make me black and went to Halloween as Biggie Smalls. I won the costume contest against a ripped guy in fireman's suspenders based on on popularity alone.null

But, if you held a gun to my head and said; "If you don't get laid by 3am, I'm going to splatter your brains all over the nearby wall", I would fear for my life. 1 year, 2 months, and I haven't consistently pulled.
1 month into this process, reading something like that, I would have said to myself; "Bullshit, that'll never happen to me, I'm smarter, faster, stronger than that." But no, here I am, and this is where I'm at. Not even unhappy about where I'm at, just invested in the day-to-day discipline of "Taking right action".

I watched the Blueprint a year ago. I thought I knew what "Deep Identity Level Change" meant. I have a totally different concept of it now. In a year from now, I'm pretty sure I'll have a completely different concept of it then. Just like they said I would. 

It's a process. I can approach, I can open. I'm comfortable being direct. I'm great with comfort and rapport. I kino the fuck out of girls, but nobody takes me seriously. In the last year, I've successfully moved from average chode to Mr. Entertainer. null These girls just laugh and tell me I'm awesome. Then they don't come home with me.

Here I am, in the middle of it, maybe halfway through being at any level of proficiency at this stuff. Oh yeah, and I'm back to blogging. My paper journal has seen most of the last 8 months. Have I got some stories to tell you, but I'm falling asleep. Tomorrow, I'll tell you about how karma keeps trying to get me to fall in love.

It's good to be back.
-= Duke =-
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Good morning! Oh look, getting flaked on by MostLikely again. This is becoming a habit. I'm not sure what I'm doing to cause this kind of behavior, but I'm sure it's something. Both Tony Robbins and Tyler both say we have to make some sort of standard for our lives in what we're willing to settle for. Am I willing to tolerate being stood up, flaked on, having girls not return my calls? And with what intensity should I give a fuck anyway? And if I do set boundaries, what should I do about it anyway?

- If I call them on their behavior, I lose value. It's like "Hey, girl who didn't think I was important enough to give the respect of calling to... Please give it to me, or my life loses meaning." Yeah great, that's not how I want to come off.
- If I act like nothing happened, then they just do it again and again, like I gave them permission to disregard my time.
- Fixing the core issue - not providing enough value to get them invested - seems to be the thing to do, but those goals are ethereal. There are some girls that are easy to click with... but I'm beginning to fear that the girls that are responding to my "value-adding" self are girls with something seriously missing. I'm walking around with this thought that I provide so much value (to girls as a sexual threat) but the results don't follow. Time to break it all apart and tinker.

Off to Sunset at any rate. BIndustryStandard showed up with 2 friends; One petite little firecracker with killer eyes and a confidence that pumped my whole vibe to the brim. Everybody says to be non-reactive... but real positive energy coming off people pumps me up and I shoot to the next level fast as fuck.

The other girl was this hot little maneater dressed to kill and a snarky cut-your-legs-out-from-under-you attitude. The tats across her back were about as bold as the sour look on her face, and she was out to destroy. Well, dandy.. I'm up for the fight.

I rolled up on Industry, opened with "you know I've had a crush on you for years", just to set the stage because I knew I couldn't just sit down without going in bold. All three girls looked up and the maneater immediately started in as soon as I introduced myself. She was trying to get me to qualify over and over again, using everything from how I was dressed to accusing me of staring at her massively displayed rack. I ROFL'd, because, for some reason, I was prepped for all of it. For the next 15 minutes, it was target practice at Duke's ego, while the other two just sat and watched. Apparently, she does this alot, because they just waited for her to shut up, leaving me out there in the wind. Whatever, I owned it, going over the top on pretty much everything. She finally gave up and took off to save face. "I'm gonna go dance now. Don't touch my girls". Who, me? Wouldn't dream of it.

Immediately switched the the firecracker, HBAbsolution. Apparently, she was impressed by my deft handling of the snarky one, and she opened right up. Horray for social proof. It's like she brought the filter system just to see if I could hang. I mentioned something about dating around without a need for committment. Oh fuck, here it comes.

She started quizzing me on pickup and life purpose and I started walking through stages of frame control with her, which must have been hilarious from the outside. "So this is the part where I'm supposed to kino-escalate... testing your compliance"... "So now I get you to sit on my lap to get you comfortable with the physical contact. That way it doesn't come out of the blue when I kiss you later. Itt'l seem like a natural progression."

She's okay with all of it. I think she likes the adventure. Throughout the whole thing... PUAHalfWing and BLadyLike are talking mad shit on the side. LadyLike is yelling at me all angry and it's comical. What I'd done by this point is lock Absolution down creating our own little world, and neither of us were paying attention to anything else. In fact, I didn't even know LadyLike was yelling until I switched positions. OMG that girl hates me right now.

I'm not sure MostLikely (my current it's complicated girlfriend) is taking me seriously, since I can't seem to get her to call me back or show up to anything she promises, so I go for it. I need a new person I can do boyfriend things for. You're it. HBAbsolution is now my new girlfriend.

Those three girls leave, glad to have come out. I'm glad I could help, ladies.

That should be the end of the night. Lessons learned. Number closes, new girlfriend, feeling good about myself... It should have been the end of the night. But it wasn't.

Oh fuck... it wasn't.

So there's this girl (BPredator) who kept asking to come over. She's been a pretty value-offering person and I've been open-minded (until tonight) but in general, the binary system would say no on this one. For some reason, I needed to learn some lesson about setting physical boundaries. She hit me up to come over. OK. Come over.

I've been in the mode of just telling girls to come over to get used to it. A month ago, I wouldn't have done that kind of shit, because I didn't believe that would ever happened, that it would be ludicrous to expect them to actually want to show up. Of course, with LadyLike's behavior and the text game I've been pulling lately, my perspective has shifted a bit. So here it goes... Predator shows up, wants to snuggle.

Everything was cool, but she's getting hyperphysical. I'm not sure I want to get laid tonight... let alone with you, I thought. But, she's there and I'm there, ok. I don't know what I was thinking, but it was all in this spirit of.. "This is weird, I must be here for a reason. Maybe I need to learn something here", so it all escalated.

There I was, butt-ass naked with some girl I hadn't considered before and she got damn near violent with her physical escalation, and she wouldn't look me in the eye. It's like watching a new stripper. The ones that get out on stage and dance almost on autopilot without really trying to connect. Like they retreat into some protective script, feigning vulnerability. Shocked and taken aback with this behavior, I kept trying to stop the interaction without hurting anybody's feelings. I was like... uh... This is how I hook up. We form a connection, and then we cement it with sex. That's how this works.

She looked at me like I was being rediculous. There I was giving LMR. Everything that came out of my mouth seemed to just irritate her and make her more impatient. Aw, poor man who tethered down by the need to have emotions. Would you just shut up and fuck me?

I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere at all. I started some foreplay shit, but she wouldn't connect. She'd just go into her head and take control. It's like I wasn't even there. I've never felt used for my dick before. This is what party girls must feel like. I tried, but I couldn't take it anymore. I'm done. Roll over. I'm not equipped for this bullshit. I used to kick girls out of my house for this. I ACTUALLY need trust, comfort, connection. It's not just some line I use (okay, it is, but it's true, dammit).

Bewildered, the poor girl tried everything. But she just didn't know how. Everything she did was damn near Predatory. Moment by moment, I felt more and more disgusted by her complete lack of respect. I ended the morning with a sick used feeling, like I couldn't even hold frame control against a girl that WANTED to fuck me. Well great. This will be weird later.

I walk of shame in my own house. Emotionally, I felt like that scene in Ace Ventura with the plunger in the shower curled up in fetal position, shaking. I have a new respect for girls who get plowed and left for dead by just going along for the ride. Lesson Learned: I lead physical escalation from now on. Letting her lead is dangerous shit, she might try to lead me into something I don't even like. That's not win-win.

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Had a bro conversation with PUAGotItMade... He's getting a bit more touchy-feely with his emotions, and every girl that shows him attention has him like a sucker ready to fall. I feel like he'll get one or two of these under his belt and forget what falling for incompatible girls feels like. We all have our journey. I think I'm only a couple months in the front, but running point nonetheless.

Went out to wing for him and his chick we met on thursday, BNoFilter. We went to the local pizza joing and we were finding it difficult to keep the energy up, but I think we did OK. BNoFilter seems to have an epic "I'm always friggin' tired" frame. I think it's just a tool in her aloof game... but regardless, It's pretty damn nauseating. I respond by amping up the energy until she breaks, but it's almost like she catches herself mid-excitement just to shut it all down and see if she can bring the whole group into her control.

You're cute, but who wants to frame-control into drab negativity. Not I, dear. Let's put the volume back where it belongs.

She brought a friend (BKlepto) and I was supposed to distract her, and distract her I did. She told a beatiful story involving alcohol and stunguns, and I framed her as oh... I dunno... FUCKING CRAZY. So that carried on for awhile.

I did all the things Papa taught me in wingman school, and then some. Merge, unmerge, call out the girl-code, boy coding, claw this, escalate that. Physical escalation was not reciprocated. I'm not sure if it's the fact that this whole interaction is manufactured to let GotItMade close, or that she's just nervous, or that she's just not that into me. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter, she went with it without much hassle and it was entertaining enough to keep her from being captain dragaway. Go GotItMade.

Got a txt saying thanks for last night. "I've been hooking up with boys all this time. Thanks for changing my standards. I'm gonna go find men now." I ROFL'd. Seriously. Buy a book or something guys, I'm not that awesome, and it's a shame how many girls haven't experienced life.

NoFilter seemed to suddenly switch over from aloof coquettish crap to omg-I-want-you-desparation. We all took a short break to watch some hot lesbian antics on the Terrace couches. There was a group of married chicks and a group of lesbian girls trying to take advantage of all of them. At some point, I need to study girl-on-girl game. These girls had it dialed. Kinda amateur though, with the amount of alcohol involved, but you can't deny results.

My girl for the night seemed to be about to pass out, so I snuggled down on the couches (after the 5 way girl-girl pickup was over) and got to occupying her so she wouldn't pull the let's go home bs. All went without a hitch and GotItMade split for the in-car makeout, walking on sunshine the rest of the night.

Spread your wings and fly.
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Oh Look! it was Saturday. What a great excuse to party! I sent the text messages and all the legwork down to watch ZombieLand and rocked it out.

Off to the club. TERRACE! No real prospects. It was a wierd drunken mood, mad fights, and the girls were flighty. I opened this chick who looked familiar, number closed... lost her to AMOG douchebag and rolled back inside.

Got a random txt from MostLikely, and while it's always good to hear from her, it's a bit unnerving how our conversation is really just on her terms. No less, my night is brighter.

BNoPhoto dragged her friend by to feel better, which I thought was interesting. Apparently her boyfriend was being a dick, and she was all mascara-run-down-her-face cryville. BNoPhoto seemed to think that throwing her to the wolves was a great idea. What are girls thinking? GotItMade started being nurturing and drunk HalfWing rolled up and went hypersexual and blew her out. Smooth move, brother.

HBAngelPoet kept reopening, and I dunno what's up. She's definitely confused about life, but hey, if she wants to flirt like that, I'm more than happy to oblige. I've got about 8 years of experience on her, so if she wants to play a love game play a love game... whatever. She's eyeing GotItMade anyway.

All this clubbing had to lead somewhere. Somebody's bound to end up liking me. At the end of the day, it's inevitable. I've spent so much time building comfort for physical intimacy with women, I think I had to build comfort for myself.

I'm gonna go ahead and say it; It's amazing how so many chicks never get treated right. I mean... It's not like sex is all that difficult. It's kinda hard-wired into our existence. There's only a few inches of real-estate, I'd imagine guys would try to get some sort of proficiency. Buy a book, for the love of all that's pure and holy.

This isn't a LR. There's like... one more wall that has to come down, and that's all about connection and trust. All the rest of the stuff goes into the basket of allowable shit and it's a sliding scale. That aside... In the future, when guys learning game ask me how long it took me to get from guy who won't talk to anyone at the clubs to guy who changes a girl's mind about men... The answer is 170 days.
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I went off to the terrace again with PUAGotItMade. I Txtd both girls we met last night. We met up with HBTinyTot and BNoFilter. Lame sauce, so we were off to Denny's earlier than we would have expected. I can't wait to move to someplace where Denny's isn't the only after-hours restaurant open.

PUABrothello heard Day 166's non-closing antics and would have tried to kick my ass if he didn't know I would have beaten him six ways from Sunday.

He sat me down; "Look man. If you're not gonna bang her... let me at it."
My rationale kicked in; She wants to get laid. He wants her bad. I'm just stalling. Might as well make it a win-win-win. You see, Brothello has no qualms about banging girls then never calling them again (or so his reputation would lead you to believe, but with his hopeless romantic nature, I'm giggling as I type this) and at that time, I was absolutely sure that everybody would be happy campers if I just let them at each other.

Unfortunately, Brothello's young and he doesn't actually have the skill-set to consistently seduce women older than he. I gave him the green light and watched as he made a complete spectacle of the whole situation. He didn't know how to adapt. I feel as if she would have gone for it too, but he was too comical about the whole situation and didn't provide enough real meat to the interaction. He kept coming back to me and complaining; "She's not going for it, Bro. She's stuck on you." No. No. No. No.

Look man, if you're a PUA, you're a PUA. Situation is primed. Stop sniveling and do what it takes. In retrospect, that's kind of pot calling the kettle black coming from me. Ah, the hypocrisy that defines our duality.

I told him straight up; Do what it takes. Throw me under the bus if you have to. Make me look lame, win by contrast. Be ruthless. This can be a win-win-win if you make sure to follow your instincts and close like a champ. If you are as good as you say you are (he boasts 122 lays in 2 years, ROFL) then CLOSE.

So he does. She blew him out hard. Then she went after me. Apparently, rather than contrasting my unwillingness to close with his sexual prowess, or painting me as some sort of wavery wussbag so that he could establish dominance, he took the verbatim frame.

"Duke doesn't want to bang you. He told me to bang you instead. So how 'bout it?"

AYFKM? Is that what passes for game in the land of the 20 year-olds? You make me sick. And now I'm in trouble.

There's 2 objectives here. Don't hurt girls. Get them laid righteously. Sex should be a mutual benefit. You lead an adventure, they choose to come along, you and she share an experience that is more glorious than they could have ever imagined. They get all happy about life. Everybody wins. Simple.
He failed on both counts... 1)Now she's pissed off at both of us. 2)Nobody's getting laid.

"I'm not a piece of meat you can just pass around to your friends when you're done with me."
Oh fuck. Here it comes. Chaos ensues, with her trying to hurt me by stabbing at me, game, my mentors, etc.

I quickly call Brothello and tore him a new asshole. Look man. Win-Win-Win doesn't mean Lose-Lose-GoFuckingCrazy. We all need a little bit more compassion, and if we all work together, the world could be a better, more orgasmic place. Thanks for your understanding.

Now to deal with her. Too bad for everybody involved I've dealt with flipping-out-crazy far too many times and don't get knocked off my rocker that easily. I launched into hardcore reframing (underscored with an authentic care for her feelings). Since it came from the core and my intentions were noble, I artfully created a masterpiece of reframing glory. "I just want everybody to win. I thought you guys could hit it off, and maybe you could get something beautiful out of it. I didn't mean to hurt you. If Brothello's game was tighter, everybody would have had a great night. I apologize on his behalf for his brash misinterpretation of the situation." 30 minutes of phone chaos boiled down into a short morsel for your consumption.

"Look. This conversation is so difficult to have when there's no body language or visual cues. The phone is such a lousy method of communication. Come over."

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Off to go 80's dancing. Peacocked like a motherfucker, we roll in style. Come to dance, bring 6 girls. You know how we do it. I rolled in with PUAGotItMade and immediately call Don't think just go. Lo and behold, he meets a cute blonde, BNoFilter and her gal-pal BKlepto. I gave it a couple of minutes and open in classic RSD wing style;

"Are you bitches hitting on my boyfriend?"

Hilarity ensues. Turns out I'd met BKlepto a couple of months ago... and since I was obligated to deter her from Dragaway-Girling BNoFilter, The common knowledge helped. On and on it goes, the game gets tighter, and GotItMade is rising.

I've gotta do something about BLadyLike. She kept trying to kiss me. PDA ftl, girlfriend. Can't you see I'm trying to get something accomplished here?

We brought HBImage along too. She just stood there aloof as fuck all damn night. Me and GotItMade rolled out to the dancefloor rocking like lunatixxx, and finally, HBPlayette threw her to the wolves. Get what you're missing, babydoll. Random chicks proximitied us and we danced like maniaxxx.

As soon as the club closed, I (as always) stood around waiting for HalfWing to quit carpet bombing the drunk chicks. While lost in thought, eyeing the drunk-trap cop who was circling the parking lot with his lights off, I felt the Magic Tap. *tap tap tap*

I turned around to see a short cute little blonde girl right out of the movies. Gorgeous dress, hair all done up and curly just the way my dream girl would look if she were dimly lit and there was a random black dude in an Affliction shirt puking in the trashcan behind her.

Duke:"Hello, Goddess!"
HBHowDareYou:"I just wanted to say thanks..."
Duke:"You're welcome?"
HBHowDareYou:"Just thanks..."
Duke:"Should I know you?"
HBHowDareYou:"Um... no. I was just like... trying to dance with you like six times and you totally blew me off"
Duke:"OMG what a douchebag. I get caught up in the music and forget my own name sometimes" *qualify* Look. You're adorable as fuck. Let me make it up to you next time. Last name? ::#close::
Who are you with? ::Meet friends::
I'll call. Itt'l rock.
HBHowDareYou:K Cya soon ::starry eyes::

Day 168. I just got opened. WTF? You know, you read about these things on the forums, but you never actually believe it until it happens to you.

My blissful state was interrupted by none other than Image's ass wanting to go home. I'm going to Denny's. Playette was more than happy to take her, and I was more than happy to be rid of her aloofness for the night. But as an aside... if I'm gonna pick you up... you're subject to my driving rules, I.E. I take your drunk ass home when I want to. You could have driven yourself. anyway...

So PUAUrgeToRun shows up to Denny's with a little cutie on his arm; BWendyPeffercorn. And since he's an asshole and I've been in an astounding mood.... I RackJacked the shit out of him. Flirt, Feisty, Flirt, Feisty... Well, at least you know who I am.

I went to the counter to pay and there's a couple-set approaching to order to-go. I'm still high from HBHowDareYou's approach, so when she feistily bummed one of my cigarettes, I opened the guy. How do you all know each other... Siblings! Ownage. I'm gonna hit on your sister outside. You're not gonna beat my ass, are you? No, bro... do what you need to do. Awesome.
#close. Single. Freaky. Dad's a club owner in L.A. Come for V.I.P.

Can't complain. There's good nights and learning experiences. This was a good night.
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