Yesterday I was out again. In the streets, again. With a mental note to have fun, and not giving a shit about the outcome pretty much and guess what happened? I had a damn good day. Accomplished my mission, 6 approaches, 2 number closes. Fucking solid.
A lot of time I was just walking around with a stupid grin on my face, straight, looking forward. It's more fun this way. Also positive self talk, this is very important for me. Since I go out solo, the self talk pretty much defines how I feel and if I have any fun. And just enjoying the environment, the people, keeping it light.
Quick Field Report [FR]. First girl I approached, I hesitated and had second thoughts just before walking up (actually, this happened for every single set today, I hesitated every time before approaching) but I do it anyway. She's waiting for someone, so I ask what does she wait for. It's her sister who's late. Cool, I say that she's cute and I just wanted to meet her. We talk. I love her accent, reminds me of my best friend. I bet she likes me but it's cold and starts to get boring waiting for her sister, so I take her number and eject, off to the next little adventures. Cute tiny girl, I'd love to meet her again sometime. The number is solid by the way, she texted me back right away.
My state is high. I meet another girl. She's not my type though and I can tell she's uncomfortable being approached by a stranger like me, so I congratulate her with a first day of the spring and move on. Next is very classy and very well dressed woman, she doesn't stop to meet me. I guess I don't have enough class.
Then I spot this beauty, she has headphones on, but we have eye contact, I smile and somehow I go in anyway. She hesitates for a moment but takes the phones off. I introduce myself and state that I think she's beautiful right away and say that I just wanted to talk to her. She likes it. I ask where she's going and start walking with her. We talk, chit chat about different things. What I don't like that she starts smoking, I hate tobacco. I tell her it's unhealthy. I say I have to turn here and we stop. I comment on her eyes, it's a mix of green and brown, very pretty. Look her up and down, this girl is pretty hot, damn. I ask if she wants to meet me some other time and after thinking a little bit, she agrees that she does. I ask for a number and write it down.
Cool chick, she's hot, and I have to be honest I wondered how come I was so chill and relaxed. Afterwards it felt like I can kill in this game for real. The number is solid as well, I texted her this morning and she replied me. I want to meet her again sometime too.
Awesome. I was feeling almost high, so high I started to chode around and stopped approaching. Got in the head again and became outcome dependent again. I wanted another result, I was also looking for a 'good' 2set for my mission and my state dropped gradually. Finally I just choose random 2set, say 'hi' and eject, the hotter one turned aound curiously, haha.
On my way back to the car I spot this good looking round ass blonde, we wait for the green at the traffic light, I hesitate and take no action. We cross the street, and I'm like fuck it, she's worth it, and approach her from behind asking if I can meet her. She says 'no, I'm taken', haha, 'married?' she laughs but still not interested to meet me, and I don't push, I'm glad I approached her at all.
It was amazing day as it is. Two numbers, two solid numbers from good looking girls! Wow, that's what I'm talking about. Both of them I was about to leave unapproached and pass on the opportunity but went in anyway, and it was well worth it.
Today I have to go at it again. Somehow forget the last day and don't try to improve on my results, just focus on the actions I take, just approach 5 girls. And have fun. That is key.
That's how I felt yesterday infield, like working in office, dull and boring. I dragged myself out of the house to the streets to approach girls and talk, but it wasn't fun. It was frustrating and I struggled for a good hour till I made my 5 approaches, so I can get out of here.
Approach anxiety came out of the shadows again, I was in my head, thinking out the situations, caring about bullshit and making stupid rationalizations. Somehow I thought I'm already past the approaching issue and took it for granted. A day before I had a good day out and yesterday unconsciously (even consciously) I wanted to make it even better, I wanted better results than from the previous day and I was very outcome dependent. I was screening out the girls to approach, looking for those sets who'd go 'well'. Stupid stupid, this is not the way to go about this.
That results oriented thinking and caring about the outcome took all the fun from me and the entire session was a drag, painful one. Also I wanted to pee really bad but I wouldn't let myself until I accomplish my mission, so yeah, it was painful, physically.
The fact that I jacked off (twice, actually...) before going out didn't add additional motivation or desire to hit them girls hard either. It was weird, but the good thing is that I've approached them anyways. 5 approaches, one 2set, one number close. And girls I did approach were hot. If I consider this to be a bad day, then it is fucking awesome. Just compare this to my Sucker Shit post from last week and that's some huge progress right here.
I still suck a shit but my approaching muscle got a little bit stronger, I've developed some willpower to push myself, which is amazing really.
Quick field report [FR]. I get into the sloppy headspace from the beginning (kind of), but somehow I push myself to stop and talk to a pair of hot hot girls. They didn't look that hot from the distance but when I got into their faces close up - holy shit! I froze to be honest, I shook their hands, introduced myself and tried to stammer out some jokes, but my mind was all like 'you can't handle these girls, what you're gonna do, they're too hot', damn bastard, fucked up my swagger. One was blonde with blue eyes, very sexy, the other had black hair and shiny white teeth, brown eyes, both hot bodies. Jeez, and it was me who ejected, I couldn't handle the pressure. Damn.
After this I was just choding around, my voice was stifled as fuck so other girls didn't hook and didn't stop, except for this one, she seemed legit from the distance but not so much up close. She's not that bad, but not my type either. She was into me though, so I took her number. Just for the drill, like a robot. I've already deleted it. I mean, she's fuckable for a one night stand but I don't want to play numbers game with her, especially when I haven't done anything with the library chick's number yet.
That's probably another reason why I felt so unmotivated yesterday, it seems kinda pointless if I can't follow up on my successes. I got this cool chick's number, she wants to meet me again and I can't go hang out with her because I've got a girlfriend at home. A number close is a dead end.
I must reframe my mind to have fun infield anyway. Today I'll go easy, don't expect any results, just approach 5 sets, one 2set, and have fun. What's the point otherwise?
Yesterday it happened again, second day in a row. Awesome!
I've accomplished my mission in about half an hour, totally 7 approaches, two of them 2sets. And I pushed it a little harder too, I got one number. Number is solid, I texted her this morning and she replied. Gangsta shit.
Quick report, as usual. First girl didn't even react to me, okay. Then I helped two asian tourists, they weren't my type, but still a 2set for the mission. Then another girl who wasn't very responsive, but she smiled so it's fine, and then the library chick who's number I got. She's cute and very sweet, said she's working at the university and wearing glasses so I assume she's a librarian girl. Nothing's wrong with that, quite the opposite, it's actually pretty hot. We fluffed and I started walking with her in the direction she was going. Then I stopped, we chatted a bit more, I asked if she wants to see me again and took her number. Done.
I don't really know what to do with that number though, I'm not in a position to go on a date with a random girl from the street (library really), my logistics suck. I only have very limited time during the day to meet her up, so I'll have to get creative or just forget about it. We'll see.
The best set was the last one. I've approached two cute students (I was walking around the university, hehe) and these girls were so fun! They cracked up almost immediately and was laughing and giggling the entire time. I didn't even know what to do, didn't quite expect such a reaction from them. I should have gone physical on them. Summon the kino upon the bitches, yo. The iron was hot and I probably could have shaped them in any form I like, but I'm not at that level yet, so I choded out. Damn, I should have hugged the hotter one and keep joking with the other, than take them somewhere, insta date type of crap. Or at least go for the number, eh.
That was fun anyway. Good day, accomplished my mission, plus got the bonus as well. Nice.
Today I'm going again. Into the streetz, into the jungle. The mission is the same, 5 girls, at least one 2set, and push the interactions harder. Bring more aggression. I want to get approaching cute girls to the level of unconscious competence.
Yesterday I was out in the streets, approaching. What did you do? Anyway, I've approached 8 girls, all cute, everyone of them I was attracted to. In the night it's allright, but during the day approaching fatties is gay. You know.
First four approaches I did very quickly, all in ten minutes, just bam bam bam, one after another, very quickly. I couldn't believe I didn't procrastinate, cool shit. But then I slowed down. After fifth approach I was happy to have my mission of approaching 5 girls completed, and I stopped pushing myself and started to chode around, 'looking for a girl I might have a connection with'. Half an hour later I snap out of the trance and approach three more. Done.
Still I was feeling a bit unsatisfied because none of these sets went anywhere, almost all of them asked 'do I know you?' My opening is kinda lame too, I open with 'hi, how are you?' , so a lot of times girls just say 'I'm fine', smiles and keeps going. Well, doesn't matter, approach = success, right?
One girl was interested, but she was in a hurry to a music school, so let her go. What I should have done instead was to go with her and keep the conversation. Obviously, duh.
I have to be more assertive and bring more aggresion to the table. Another thing, I've only approached lone girls so far, so I have to amp it up a little and go for the pairs too. Today my mission is the same, 5 approaches, except one of them has to be a pair of girls, a 2set. And try to push interactions a bit harder.
In the evening, walking my dog, I approached one more girl, without much stress and very chill. She got scared anyway, it was dark outside, the place was well lit but you could tell she was feeling uncomfortable. She was a cutie too, it's a damn shame.
So, in total I made 9 approaches yesterday. Nice, more than last week.
It feels like I've stabbed my inner chump who's anxious to approach and now what I have to do is twist the knife and let him bleed it out.
I am going out today to do some day game with a little goal in mind, just for fun, just to try it out, I want to approach 5 girls.
I also want to share the old school saying, which goes like this: To get good at this, you have to go out and approach. And first 1000 approaches do not count.
Personally I think this is hilarious yet golden and priceless. So I thought it might be a good idea to commit myself to do at least 1.000 approaches in my life. Big commitment!, that's about 1000x more than my uncle did in his life, but he has a kid already and I don't, so I have the right to be ambitious. I commit. May the entire population of RSD Nation be the witness of this.
No game for me during the weekends. Weekend is time for being a good boyfriend, staying home and keeping it home.
That is sad however, I already miss the state I got from approaching in Friday. Tomorrow, fellows.
So I'm using this time off to evaluate my game. Quickly. I went out 4 days this week. Monday I approached one girl. Then for three days I approached zero, and on Friday I approached several girls, seven I think. That's pretty good, because game-wise it was the most intense week this year. Cool.
My game? There's little, I struggle to approach, but some girls respond friendly and warm, so it's not that bad. I'm a little nervous and passive approaching, but that's normal. Actually it's pretty good considering, and it will get better. I just have to approach more.
Next week I'll try and beat this week's record of made approaches. Go out every day from monday to friday and just go for it. We'll see how many I can approach.
I had to go yesterday before finished the post, but I still want to finish it, so here it is, the second part.
It took me about one hour of walking around to do those approaches and it felt awesome, really it was fun, I felt like I was glowing. When I went to buy some coffee later in the evening, the cashier was blushing the entire time talking to me, she was quite a fat one, but then again, very nice of her anyway. My force is strong with fatties.
After the session in the OldTown, before going home I decided to hit the Scary Mall. Mhm, it still is scary, man. Streets are way more approach-friendly for me, less people, less pressure. I care too much about what the passing by chodes think, interesting enough, while approaching in the streetz I didn't even notice people around me, but I still care. Whatever, count down begins...
...and goes right to 0.0000001 but finally I say hi to a veeeery cute girl. She's holding something in her hand, so ask what she's selling. Worst question ever! She actually is a salesgirl and is selling some cosmetics, she drags me into her kiosk and starts showing body salts and shit. She puts some cream on my hand and rub it, and I'm on. She also asks if I have a girlfriend. I think about what to say for good five seconds or more, but I can't lie to her, so 'Yes I do'.
Fucking honesty, eh. That was the end of my game and the beginning of her sales pitch. I barely got out alive, but damn, she had such a fine sweet looking ass (almost perfect!) that I almost bought a nail polisher. I was super aroused by this girl, she's so my type but I couldn't do anything. In our interaction she was playing her game and I was the sucker.
That's what you get for not stating your intentions right away. You get PAIN in the ASS. I'll hit her up again some other day, after more going out and approaching.
Awesome day for me. I don't remember when was the last time I've approached so much in one day. Loooong time ago. The mall is still scary but I'm positive now.
In conclusion, self talk is very important when you go out solo. Personally, I respond better to positive feedback, so saying to myself 'you didn't approach that girl, you little bitch, go and kill yourself' and beating myself up is not working for me, what is working for me is 'you didn't approach that girl, no big deal, stay happy, keep smiling, you'll hit the next one', trying to keep it light and fun.
Counting game is also great, but if you still don't approach you might want to think up of some punishment you'll have to do when it reaches zero.
I just hope this all talking and playing games with myself won't lead to some weird double personality disorder type of shit, that would be fun though. 'Imaginary wingman, why can't he never close his girl? Chode!'
Hell yeah, I made some approaches today. 6 or 7 of them.
Yesterday I didn't go out, because of shit weather conditions. I tried to, but me and my little car got stuck in a damn snow mixed with water and ice underneath it all, not farther than fifty meters from home. So I spent next good thirty minutes shoveling away and rescueing my car and went back home humble and crashed. Shit happens.
So today I really wanted to take some action. Fuck the mall, I went straight to the heart of my city - the OldTown. Weather is better today, so there were plenty of fishes to catch. (or at least to disturb the waters a little) .
So I here go, all pumped up, humming some music in my head, but nothing. Ok, then I aks myself a miracle question, which I got to say many thanks to all the guys who comment here, especially to those who adviced this (sorry, but your nickname is to difficult to remember right now) and of course to Tim the Flawless.
How Can I Make This Fun ?
Well, I can play some games with my mind. The counting game. I start with 30 and count it down slowly (depends on traffic how slowly) and I have to approach a girl before I count down to zero. This game was designed (by Tyler, I think) to play with your wing, but if you're a freak like me, you can play it solo. It works. It feels weird at first, but it gets the job done.
Some times the counting took five or more minutes I guess, down to the 0.09, 0.08, 0.07,... You get the idea :) But I still went for an approach. And I only approached the girls I found attractive. Three of them were just amazing, one was an Angel :) she just said 'hi', smiled to me and walked away, but I felt uplifted nevertheless, blessed almost.
First two approaches went to the gutter, girls didn't even stop to talk to me, but the third, well, it also went nowhere, but it was the angel girl, the hottest girl I've ever said 'hi, how are you?' in my entire life probably, ah, maybe not, but definetely the hottest one this year. Solid solid hottie, finely dressed, with cute sparkles in her eyes and ice-melting voice. I can be romantic. I should've chased her, but I was too happy she smiled at me, I guess. I felt blessed for the rest of the day.
Couple more yuck approaches, one failed approach with strong eye-contact, she was even smiling at me, but a woman was older than me, as you American guys call it, and older women intimidate me, I kinda feel like a horny brat looking at a teacher in school, I don't know. I regret it now. But I approached a hot Bulgarian girl, she stopped but didn't want to get to know me. Fine.
Then on the way back to my car, countdown almost reaching zero I approached another cute girl with green eyes (I remember both her name and the color of her eyes, nice!) and we talked for a bit. She liked me. I asked for her number, but she said she was just visiting her friend and leaving on Sunday. I pushed a little and she was tempted for a moment but still no go. Fair enough.
I was at a mall yesterday, but haven't approached anyone. I had a couple strong eye contacts and leered at one girl's ass like a creep pervert but no talking. Fine, I'll keep going anyway. It's starting to get interesting how long will it take for me to give in and approach a girl in a shopping mall. Scary scary.
I defend my self image partly with having some kind of agenda besides pick up. Yesterday I bought sushi rice and vinegar and it felt like I've accomplished something. LOL. When you can't pimp you find another ways to express yourself.
But I promise no side agendas today, I'm going to the mall with a sole purpose in mind and with a mission to approach someone. If I fail, it's on me. I might buy some milk on the way back though. Flexibility.
I don't know what is more embarassing, a snivel hanging from my nose or my yesterday's post. Both are equally inglorious. Doesn't matter.
Let's work on this shit, time to get back to basics, fundamental stuff. Let's set some goals and think out the way to achieve them.
At the very least I want to become an approach machine. One day I want to approach the hottest chick in some posh night club, just to have the balls to do it, sober, and just stay relaxed, you know, just to try it, whatever the outcome.
How can I do it? Well, what is the number one rule? (from Tim's Transformations)
Do not give a damn what anyone thinks of you.
Plan: desensityze myself and thicken my skin, get in control of my emotions and deal with my fear of being embarassed and mocked; by going out, approaching strangers, finding ways to make a fool out of myself, get embarassed on purpose and face my fears. Gradually, step by step, I'll start small just to get going.
Whenever I can, go out every day. At least just show up in a place with some girls.
And yeah, my girlfriend will have to go, we'll have to go separate ways, there's no other way. This will be the hardest part.