6pac's Blog

6pac
 
Tomorrow will be NO better.

What do I mean. This is one of my mind's top tricks to play with me. And I'm damn sure I'm not the only one. "nah, I can do it tomorrow." 

In field it manifests into a form of "nah, I'll just go easy today, I'll go hard tomorrow/when I get a haircut/when I'm dressed well/when I feel good/whenever whatever it will be better" but the truth is it won't. "Today approaching seems hard, tomorrow/next week/... will be easier" no it won't.

If I don't approach the damn girl today, what makes me think I will tomorrow? What's gonna change? Nothing. If I do approach today, then yes, tomorrow will be easier to do the same. But if I don't, then nothing changes.

After all, [approaching] is not even a skillset, you don't need no skills to just approach a girl, all you need is some balls (and a habit). It's just a habit. If you don't do it, you're enforcing a habit of not approaching. With every day habit only gets stronger. If you don't do it today, tomorrow will be only HARDER to do it.

It's like people who are trying to quit smoking, but only after they finish that last pack of cigarettes. As if additional pack of cigarettes would make it easier to quit, when it only gets you even more addicted.

Likewise, if you're "addicted" to not approaching, one more day or week of non-approaching is NOT gonna lower the intensity of your habit. The opposite is true.

It's one of the most common ways my mind tries to escape from the pressure and uncomfortable situations by trying to convince me that in future it's gonna be easier. However, it's just your emotions trying to protect(/fuck up) you from a possible change. When you inject some logic, it's clear that this is bullshit.

I'm sure this applies to many guys.

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#1
markzor

markzor

Respected Member

Join Date: 11/25/2009 | Posts: 734

 Totally recognizable.

But here is the real mindfuck:

You discover you're letting fear the best of you, you're making excuses and that's no way to act...

I would actually phrase it like this: You're being harsh on yourself; the excuses to avoid the confrontation (with your uncomfort) tell you you are not enough.

So, with this rephrasing, how should you react?

Certainly NOT by being more harsh on yourself. No use in beating yourself even further up; by comdemning these excusing, by getting mad at yourself for not having more willpower.

That only worses the situation. You need to be very kind, gentle, forgiving towards yourself. That doesn't mean that you should condone this behavior, and listen to that excuse. It just means that you should acknowledge the excuse.

The move should be towards more fun. Light-hearted fun. Towards softening up, liking yourself more... There is no shame in being stiffled! There is even no shame in admitting that (also goes nicely with the front-page article -- don't refuse to acknowledge that you suck; that only makes things worse) Everybody knows that feeling! Why would you expect yourself to be different? You're only human, after all. You're just a man. Your mind will trick you into thinking, that being kind, soft and forgiving only gives you more excuses. But that's not true. It's an excuse in itself, to avoid the confrontation. Instead of becoming silent and avoiding, you shout so hard you can't hear your fear anymore. It takes an amount of trust in yourself and courage to confront yourself. You need to trust that when you are kind towards youself, a natural spontanity and sense of light-heated fun will emerge. It's radical acceptance. 

There more you can pride yourself, and think it's couragous, to allow yourself to feel a pussy, the less you get entangled in beating yourself up, the more you relax, and the better you'll become.

The cure for "withdrawal" it's not the opposite of "aggresiveness"; but more kindness. Because agressiveness too, is a way of avoiding the discomfort that you feel!!! Only instead of letting discomfort make you silent, it makes you shout over it.(<--- this realization was huge for me!!!)

I've been exploring this approach lately -- can't say i'm very good at it yet; but is has certainly very good results!
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#2
6pac

6pac

Senior Member

Join Date: 02/11/2012 | Posts: 205

Totally agree, man, but I didn't mean that you have to beat yourself up if you don't approach (though it might work for some guys maybe), for me positive self talk (and encouragement) is huge also.
My point was more of bringing the excuse of "tomorrow will be better, do it tomorrow" into the light, and that injecting logic into it and realizing that there's no objective reason (most of the times) why tomorrow would be any better, might help to deal with the excuse like this and take action now instead of "tomorrow".

Of course, what you wrote is a great strategy of how to help yourself take action as well. It's always easier to do something when you feel good about yourself, resistance can fuck up things for sure.
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#3

elvisamy

Junior Member

Join Date: 05/22/2012 | Posts: 11

hello, guys. i'd glad to tell you that i had found some excellent mobilephones. it has different styles, such as Sophone , sophone 4s, the functions of the phones are powerful. they are very perfect, you worth to own them. have
a look, it maybe a big surpise
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#4

elvisamy

Junior Member

Join Date: 05/22/2012 | Posts: 11

hello, guys. i'd glad to tell you that i had found some excellent mobilephones. it has different styles, such as Sophone , sophone 4s, the functions of the phones are powerful. they are very perfect, you worth to own them. have
a look, it maybe a big surpise.
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