Just got back from the mall. All angry and super emotional, angry at myself, angry at the world, I don't know where my anger is directed really, but I want to kick something, want to scream and bang my head against the wall. This is fucking frustrating. This motherfucker, I failed to approach, not a single girl.

One girl was eating me alive with her eyes, smiling, turned back to look at me, I went to the fucking toilet. I searched for her when I took a piss. Way to go. Like a sucker.

Lots of cuties, I didn't talk to anyone. This sucks. Plain and honest, I suck. I want to kill myself and cry. Well not really, I don't really. I want to live. But fuck it, I don't know what to do with myself. Whenever I see an attractive girl I want to approach, I go into my head and don't know what to do. Wrong, I know wehat to do, but I don't do it, I look for reasons not to do it. I don't trust myself and don't follow my natural instinct.

That is wrong. This shit is important. I have to handle this. It's hard, after crying and beating myself I calmed down, but it's still hard. Especially for a spoiled brat like me. This is ridiculous.

I learn nothing. Sucker shit.

With a cold nose, headache and aching muscles, I feel like ass today. What's interesting, I've forgotten all of that while "in field". I felt good, self-conscious but good. Have to push it.

Wipe your tears and blow your nose motherfucker. Get yourself together.