When I started this I needed to get better at acting through my own intetions; my ability to live my own life was flimsy. I looked for friends for advice too much. I got much better as time went on once I realized I was not in my own power as a man
I notice when I am angry I act through my own intentions powerfully; it is undeniably effective; I want to stimulate that without the backlash
I need to get better at drawing personal boundaries. Pickup healed me on a superficial level, and on a mid level, and somewhat on a deep level. I noticed when I am in an intimate relationship though a lot of the original chinks in the armor shimmer and light up again. I beat them on a superficial level, now I need to approach it on a deep level. This image displays what I am talking about perfectly:
Pickup is important to get started, but real change will happen when you change the way you interact and treat your family and friends.
I need to start drawing the boundary in personal relationships. It is a lot harder to do this than in pickup because in pickup I have zero emotional investment. In a intimate relationship I am invested emotionally. This is important to me. This is the deep identity level change shit Tyler talks about. The deep identity level change does not happen strictly from doing cold approach; it comes from the relationships the cold approach manifest.I was hesitant at first but now I am completely certain what I need to do. I need to go into LTR's and make myself completely vulnerable. That is when my true personal shines through 100%. When that happens fucking the old patterns. Being defenseless, draw the personal boundary; act through my own intentions. Be completely certain. Dictate the rythem.
I thought at first "man, I don't know how to do that, I should look up tips on drawing personal boundaries" then I realized FUCK THAT. I already know EVERYTHING I could EVER need to know about social dynamics for the rest of my life. If I never saw another ounce of theory ever again I would do perfectly fine. I know how to draw personal boundaries in a strong and unreactive way. I have had role models that taught me this; Andino, Davis, Mystery, Todd. Learn from them. Don't be afraid to be confrontational. It has great power in it. If you are strong people will be submissive very quickly. Thats being in your power as a man. Now do the same thing without the reactive anger behind it. If it is behind it, that is fine too. I am still learning. reaction is an ideal; I Try your hardest, that is all that matters. Drawing the personal boundary is very powerful, this is what will root out the last bits of weakness that may be dormant. I hate that shit.
The reason drawing personal boundary comes off as chode and is not used much is because
A) Early on in the PUA industry they were big on being alpha and so personal boundaries were overly played out. In an effort to counter this people went the unreactive route
B) Usually egoic guys draw boundaries, "This is my girlfriend dude, etc...". If you can be the type of guy to be unstifled (out of his self-image) AND still draw the personal boundary then that his gold
So how do you draw personal boundaries?
-Use social conventions against them
"How about this, you buy US a drink and the next one will be on me. That sounds fair doesn't it, or aren't you fair?"
Jokingly, which is how I always done it, this line is so so depending on level of self-amusement. It is really meant to be done seriously. It takes balls to say this seriously though to someone you are already invested with.
(No one wants to seem not fair)
-Use takeaways/disqualify self
"Look, you can leave anytime. You don't have to stay here"
"I love you, and I'll always love you. But if this relationship is causing you more pain than pleasure then just leave right now"
"I'm not a bitter person, I am a forgiving person, know the door will be open for you until its not"
-Be congruent with your thoughts and just blatantly say EXACTLY what you are thinking. Usually this actually comes off really solid since it IS congruent.
"So I came here to see you and you are watching TV. Would you rather be with me or the TV?"
"It doesn't really make much sense, does it?"
-THE KEY TO NOT COMING OFF AS REACTIVE IS TO COMBINE THESE WITH STATEMENTS OF EMPATHY
"I understand how you feel, and I found I felt the same way in the past. But think about this logically for a minute. What makes more sense... etc"
HAMMER IT HOME WITH THIS VIDEO!
Don't go walking around trying to draw personal boundaries on people. Now that you are aware of it you will make the correct decisions automatically. Your unconscious mind is genius and implements theory automatically. Just be yourself. Be normal, and do you.